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Protected: Stupidity Should be a Crime

Posted on May 19, 2005 by under Life, Poker, Sex.    

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Drinking Games

Posted on May 15, 2005 by under Games, Life, Poker.    

I realize now that Amber and Jason are clinically insane. That will be the last time I’ll come over for an innocent game of poker. They almost killed me last night with their drinking games. I was really thinking, “This is great. We will all get drunk and maybe we could get a four-way thing going.” No such luck. I was already long gone and, after drinking almost ten bottles of beer each, they were nowhere near drunk. My plans are foiled again! By the way, I’m just kidding about the four-way part. I had no such plans, Jason and Amber. So don’t get the heebie jeebies on me, okay? Here’s what really happened: Brian and I were just laying around the house after a day full of errands. Around 8:45 pm, Jason calls to tell us that he and Amber are going to stay for the 9:30 pm poker session at Rose Bowl West if Brian and I show up. He and Amber played in the 6:30 pm poker session earlier that evening, but they planned on going to Neighbors if we weren’t going to come. I wanted to go to Neighbors because of the $100 prize money for first place. Jason Dill had won it one night. Brian doesn’t like the place, though. He’s really judgemental about bars and stuff. For instance, he doesn’t like Side Pockets either. The place has cheap drinks and cheap pool. What’s not to like there? Brian said that the game at Neighbors starts at 9:00 pm and that we would never make it. I think the late session doesn’t start until 10:00 pm, but I wasn’t in an argumentative mood so I agreed to go to Rose Bowl West. After all, Jason and Amber were both already there. On the way over there, they called us to invite us over to Jason’s apartment for a four-way poker game afterwards. No money, just drinking. They talked Brian and I into getting them a case of 20 bottles of beer. Brian asked me what I wanted to drink and I couldn’t really decide. I like drinking cocktails at bars and restos. I’m not really much of an at-home drinker. So where is there a liquor store on the way the bowling alley? Jason and Amber suggested driving west of West Street on Central because there’s a liquor store there. We were on 135 getting on Kellogg at this point (stuck in traffic because there was some kind of a car accident). We would have to drive past the bowling alley and go a little ways to get to the liquor store, but Brian said he knows where that is so we wouldn’t be doing much wandering around. The whole drive I’m still trying to figure out what I want to get for myself. I am quite indecisive at times. Traffic finally gets going and we exit on West Street to go North. Then we see Goebel right there, conveniently situated not too far from Kellogg. The map that I linked to is wrong, by the way. It should be located on the right side of the street. But I digress.. As soon as I saw Goebel, I knew what I could buy for myself: lambic. Besides Jacob Liquor Exchange on the Northeast part of Wichita where we live, Goebel is the only other liquor store I know of in town that carries the Lindemans lambic I like. Brian went for the cold cases of beer section and I went to look for my lambic, which I easily found in the aisle where they have all the imported beer varieties and such. I wanted to find them in the cooled section, though, because I wanted it somewhat cold at least. Brian walks out and with a case of beer in hand and starts helping me to look for my beer. A store employee approached us and asked if we need help finding anything. I explained to him that we were looking for fruit beer instead of trying to pronounce the Belgian words on the label. “Are you looking for the Framboise?” he asked. Framboise is probably the most popular of the flavors. I told him yes, that’s it. I explained that I found them on them on the shelves, but I was hoping they had some bottles that were already refrigerated. He directed us to the section, only to find that the Framboise row had not been restocked. They had couple of 750 ml bottles of the Peche, though. He was going to try and talk us into those not realizing that I didn’t need any convincing because I prefer the peach flavor, anyway. “Have you tried this before?” he asked Brian. “No, I’m allergic to alcohol. It’s for her.” “I have tried it and I like it a lot.” “It’s ok,” the store employee said, still addressing Brian. “You should try drinking it out of her navel,” he added as he made an okay gesture with his hand. I guess the fact that Brian was carring a case of beer made his confession that he is allergic to alcohol seem less credible. I ended up taking both bottles and we headed to the checkout counter. The checkout clerk was very helpful and friendly. He informatively told us that we would need a bottle opener and a corkscrew for my beer. We knew this, of course, having purchased the beer before. Brian, thinking that the guy was trying to sell us barware, said thank you but we’ve got some. “I know we’ve got some, but what about Jason?” “He has ours.” “He does?” At this point the store clerk interrupted our discussion and gave us a free bottle opener and corkscrew, just in case. “We should come here more often!” I exclaimed, “I didn’t realize you guys give out free goodies.” We paid, thanked him and left the store. “I probably shouldn’t say that I’m allergic to alcohol while carrying a case of beer,” Brian said on our way out to the car. “Probably. I’m surprised the other guy didn’t ask you if you were trying to kill yourself.” Done with our beer run, we head to the bowling alley for the poker game. Amber was nice enough to put us on the list. Jason got knocked out first, followed by Amber. Brian and I both made it to the final table. Jason and Amber left to go get something to eat right as we got consolidated to the final table. I took third and Brian took second place. He is really excited about this so you may be reading about how he outlasted me (by one freakin’ slot) in his own blog soon. He is still raving about it. On the way over to Jason’s apartment I decide that I should probably eat something if I’m going to be doing any kind of drinking. Just to be on the safe side. Sonic is open until about 1:00 am so we decide to go there. I like their breakfast burritos and it’s about time for breakfast, anyway. Brian orders
a large strawberry limeade for me, probably in hopes of discouraging me from drinking too much. I’m a puker and he doesn’t enjoy having to take care of me when I am soused. But lambic never makes me sick, so he really had nothing to worry to about. It’s the hard liquor that does that to me, and only when I drink several different varieties. Hard liquor is lethal when at least two different kinds mix with my gastric enzymes. Often, the result is violent vomitting as soon as I hit the bed. The way that Amber and Jason play poker as a drinking game is kind of complicated and involves a lot of math. I don’t know whose brilliant idea that was because it’s hard enough to complete sentences when you’re drunk, let alone do mathematical calculations. We played with a set number of chips the way that we normally do except that everytime you lose money in a hand you are supposed to take a drink. When the betting and the blinds go up, the stakes go up as well. You have to take a gulp for every $200 in chips that you lose. I guess the math isn’t too bad, until all four people are in the hand for different amounts and then there is a lot of figuring going on. Thankfully, Jason is quick with his math and he does most of the calculations for us. Instead of worring about it, I just wait for him to tell me how much to drink. Of course, that requires a lot of trust. I’m not sure if you can trust Jason, that way. But seeing as I was drinking my drink of choice and not piss I didn’t really mind having to take a few extra gulps. That is, until I started feeling bloated and couldn’t drink anymore. For the first round, I was still finishing up my strawberry limeade so I was off the hook as far the drinking went. My bladder was filling up just as much as if I had been drinking, though. Brian got knocked out first and he decided to play on the internet as the three of us finished the game. Toward the end of the round, I ran out of strawberry limeade and started on the lambic. I didn’t have to do much drinking though because I kicked ass and won that round. We tried to talk Brian into playing the second round, but he declined so only the three of us played. At this point, I was still digging drinking the lambic so I was losing and drinking a lot. I lost a lot of money when I got knocked out and had to drink a lot. After that, Jason and Amber were heads up. Jason took that round. I was feeling really bloated already. Jason and Amber both drank a lot, but the beer seemed to have no effect on them. They wanted to play another round. I just wanted to lay down. As a compromise, I said I would play if Brian played another round. They managed to take Brian away from the computer and talk him into playing with us. How? I’m not quite sure. On the first hand, while the blinds were still $10 and $20, I raised to $200 total pre-flop. I had Q J suited. Four-handed, any kind of paint is good and is worthy of a raise. Even inebriated I knew my odds were good. I pre-flop raise got Jason and Amber to fold. Brian called the bet. The flop comes A K and something other card. I’m first to act and check to Brian. Brian bets $1000. I think about it for a bit. I know he has an A. So I would need to trip up with runner-runner Qs or Js or hit one of four 10s in the deck for my straight in order to win. What the hell. I figured, first hand, I would still have a lot of chips left – I really had nothing to lose. I decide to chase. The turn comes and it’s a 10. I hit my straight but I decide to check it to Brian. He bets another $1000, and I just call. Jason turns the river card over and it is some other insignificant card that is no help to either of us. I check again. This time Brian, thinking that his A 10 is good, goes all in with the rest of his chips. I called his bet. He rolls over his two pair totally thinking that he has won the hand. Then I roll over my Q J for a straight and he is in total disbelief. It was freakin’ hilarious! Brian didn’t really get to play that round except for one hand. So now I’ve got twice as many chips as Amber and Jason. The rest of the game went pretty easy on me. I folded a lot, specially when I wasn’t one of the blinds, so I wouldn’t have to drink. I was almost done with my bottle and, even after, peeing like three times, my bladder wasn’t holding liquid well. And the bloating was getting more unbearable. Toward the end though, Amber and Jason did most of the drinking. Jason ended up getting knocked out and the game was between Amber and I. I think I won that round with pocket 10s. She had to drink a lot because it was a huge pot. After that I’d had enough of poker and they decide to teach me how to play three man, a dice drinking game. The game has such convoluted rules that I’m not even going to attempt to explain all of it. Almost every number your roll means something. For instance, if you roll a seven the person to your left drinks. If you roll an eleven, the person to your right drinks. If you roll a nine, you start a game of categories etc. There’s only like a couple of numbers that mean nothing at all. You have to do something almost every roll you make. And you keep rolling until you hit a nothing number. How drunk people can remember such complex rules is beyond me, but Jason and Amber seem to manage just fine. They’re like, “Let’s just play and we’ll tell you when you need to drink.” Jason is three man and Amber says that is good because three man always does the most drinking. However, I found that I did quite a bit of drinking, as did Amber. I was like, “I thought three man was supposed to be drinking the most?” Finally, I roll a bunch of threes and Jason had to keep drinking. Finally, I understood why you douldn’t want to be three man. The only way to get out of being three man is to roll a three and then you get to designate some other person to be three man. I think this would be a way fun drinking game for like half a dozen to a dozen people. That way you’re not drinking every two seconds. That night I realized that I’m not much of a drinker because I get bloated really easily. I like having a few cocktails when I’m out dancing because the alcohol evaporates while I’m on the dance floor and that way I have room for more, but drinking a lot while just hanging out and not really doing any kind of physical activity just makes me sleepy. The final game they tried to teach me is war. But we had to play by Jason’s rules and he ruled that your card had to win by three or more for there to be any drinking. Finally I was just laying down on the floor and Brian and I decided that it was time to go home. It was almost 4:00 am when we got home. I planned on getting up early the next day to do laundry and go to the Y for my usuall two-hours of working out on Sundays. I ended up oversleeping and didn’t make it. Laundry is still in progress and I’m blogging instead of working out. I think I may do some exercises around here or workout on the Bowflex if I ever get around to it. I still have to study for my BLAW final which is on Tuesday. I really hate missing my workout schedule. I think there will be no drinking for me next weekend. Besides, we have to be up somewhat early next Sunday because we are watching the 11:15 am Star Wars showing in the balcony and we can’t miss that. Brian is so excited. He actually bought our tickets almost three weeks ago. At any rate, after buying groceries, which we are supposed to do at some point today, we will be officially broke so it’s not like I’ll have money to be drinking anyway. Besides being broke, I’m really too old for this. Remind me that next time.

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The Sleeping Dude

Posted on May 14, 2005 by under Life, Poker.    

Here’s the story with the sleeping dude. We found him sleeping in the little alcove behind the bar at Loft on Thursday. Before the beginning of second session, I went over to talk to Brian who sitting on the couch next to the sleeping guy. Brian was just drawing over there because he had gotten knocked out of the game early. “Who’s that?” “I don’t know. He’s been sleeping here since I got here.” “Did he even play?” “I don’t think so. Must be a college student passed out from studying.. Or he just had way too much to drink.” Chad, Jason, Chris, Brian and I decide to play knock poker over break. In the meantime, several people have come over to check out the sleeping guy. Naturally, I had Tiffany take a picture because he was really adorable-looking in his fetal position. We had complained to Tiffany about turning the A/C down because it was really cold. “He’s probably really cold. Do you have a blanket?” “No, but we’ve got some table cloths in the back!” So Tiffany had this brilliant idea of taking a tablecloth and covering him up with it. The guy didn’t even flinch. We contemplated doing all sorts of stuff to him like writing on his forehead and body. Even mean things like putting his hand in warm water and making him pee himself. That was Brian’s idea, by the way. I just wanted to get a funny picture that could be emailed around the internet with a caption like “Whatever you do, don’t pass out at Loft 150.” LOL. It would be a great publicity stunt for their bar, wouldn’t it? Anyway, second session began so we went back to playing poker, forgetting about the sleeping guy that we were so amused with earlier. As we were leaving, Brian told me that he found out the whole story from Tiffany. Apparently, our speculations were wrong. The guy was some waitress’s boyfriend. However, she worked downstairs at the River City Brewing Co. She was supposed to get off early but I guess she wasn’t off yet when he arrived. He went upstairs to find a quiet place to wait while waiting for her to get off work and ended up falling asleep. Tiffany said that the girl looked for him and couldn’t find him so she thought he left. She left, too. So when he woke up he had to call her to pick him up. I guess he had walked over or something and she was his ride. There were a few people missing from our group, but we still had fun. Chris and I made to the final table together. When I got knocked out in sixth place, he was still playing. Not sure if he won, though. I’ll find out next week.

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Cinco de Mayo

Posted on May 8, 2005 by under Life, Poker.    

Freddy at SidePockets

This is Freddy. He used to play poker with us at Loft 150 but he’s recently been playing at Side Pockets instead. I hadn’t seen him in forever until last Thursday. All because of Cinco de Mayo. Here’s what happened..

Jason was supposed to pick me up. So I’m goofing around on the internet waiting for him to call me and tell me that he’s outside the door. Around six thirty-ish I begin to wonder where he is but I’m chill. I’m not going to harrass him. Beggars can’t be choosers, you know? He’s doing me a favor and I’m grateful so I’m just surfing the web, that sort of stuff.

After a few minutes, I see my phone light up. It’s Jason.

“Are you here?”

“No, but I’m almost there. I’m at Central and Waco.”

“You’re nowhere close. What are you doing all the way over there?”

So he proceeds to tell me how he saw Amber’s ex lurking in his neighborhood and he was irked about that so he decided to tail the guy.

“Instead of taking the normal way, I took the back way because I wanted to follow his ass. He can’t keep doing this shit.” This shit being stalking Amber.

So the whole time he’s engrossed in telling me the story of how he’s following the guy etc. he totally misses the part that he’s nowhere near where I am. So I had interrupt his narrative and ask, “So why are you all the way over there? I’m at home.”

“What? What are you doing at home? We always pick you up from your work!”

Now it finally sinks in. What we have here is a failure to communicate (name that song, Bunz; you might have some competition here because I think Jason might know this, too). Brian didn’t tell Jason where to pick me up. Since they have always picked me up from work for Thursday night poker, Jason assumed that’s where I would be. Since I didn’t bother to call him myself to make these arrangements, it’s partly my fault. I should’ve called him just to make sure. I was just too busy fucking around on the internet.

I would’ve have stayed at work and just waited for him to pick me up there, but remember I couldn’t buy my tampons over lunch due to our Sweet Basil reservations so I had to buy it after work which put me back at the house. So anyway, at this point I’ve got like fifteen minutes to get there, find parking, and sign the list. So I high tail it out of the house. I left my phone at home because it needed charging. In the meantime, Brian and Jason are both trying to get a hold of me to tell me not to go anywhere because poker at Loft 150 has been canceled due to Cinco de Mayo. Like it’s not enough that they canceled it for St. Patrick’s Day. Why did both days have to end up on a Thursday night this year? Ugh.

I get to Loft 150 exactly at seven half expecting everyone to be at their tables ready to shuffle up and deal, but there is no one there. Chad, Jason, and Tiffany were all sitting together talking. I whine about how I risked life and limb to get there on time by speeding (I never speed because I always leave like fifteen minutes earlier than I should whenever I go anywhere; it’s not enough to get there on time, I like being early; add that to my list of compulsions) and how much of a disappointment it was. So we sat around and pondered our options. There’s Oscars which is just a block away, but we decided against it because Jason said the players there are worse than APL players. They don’t know how the blinds work, they act like they’ve never played poker before, and they’ll call anything because they don’t know how to figure their odds. He says they’ll have a 2% chance of winning, call an all-in bet, and they’ll get lucky on the river. It’s really bad, he says. Brian agrees. He says that he’s heard of poker brawls over there because of stupid shit. Who the hell brawls over free poker?

Then I remembered Freddy’s comment on Nick’s blog. So I tell them that Side Pockets plays on Thursdays. We call over there and they confirm that both the 7:30 pm and 10:30 pm sessions are go. It’s like 7:15 pm. Chad and I decide to ride with Jason. He stopped to get gas but we manage to get there with a minute to spare. Not bad. A bunch of Loft 150 regulars were there, too. And some people who I have seen playing poker at the Loft a few times but hadn’t seen in a while.

Brian hates Side Pockets, though. I like it for the cheap drinks (can’t beat cheap drinks; LOL). We always tend to play with the same group of people at the Loft and they know my playing style so I think not being a regular at Side Pockets works to my advantage. Plus, have I already mentioned the cheap drinks?

So anyway, if it weren’t for Side Pockets I wouldn’t have been able to play poker on Thursday. That’s how poker almost didn’t happen. But it worked for the best because I ran into Freddy, who I hadn’t seen in a long time.

Speaking of Freddy, I don’t think he knows this but we call him Little Joey, after a guy we used to play poker with at Fingers. I’d seen Joey a couple of times at the Loft, but I don’t think he and Freddy ever met. I think Joey starting coming right as Freddy stopped. Freddy bears a remarkable resemblance to him, even down to the mannerisms. Little Joey isn’t really in reference to size. We say Little Joey because Freddy is a much younger version of Joey.

By the way, while I was looking up links to these various establishments I came across the Wichita Live Web Cam. It’s awesome! You can select some of the presets or control the cam yourself by zooming in and out and panning to different directions. You all know how much I enjoy sharing the cool things that I find. With the Wichita River Festival going on right now, there’s a lot of activity downtown. I think the cam will be pretty entertaining. Much more entertaining than ours, that’s for sure. Enjoy!

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Ching on TV

Posted on April 18, 2005 by under Movies, Poker.    

We watched a few movies over the weekend: Ocean’s 12, Friday Night Lights and If Lucy Fell (at Jen’s — not my sister Jen, the other one — recommendation).

Just a few comments about the movies.. We watched Ocean’s 12 really late on Friday night. I didn’t think it was as good as the original. As a matter of fact, I actually fell asleep before we got to the end of it. Now that we’ve got it, though, I’ll just watch it again some other night.

I thought Friday Night Lights was really good. I was totally drawn in. I felt sorry for for all the kids who had the burden of the entire town’s expectations on their shoulders. And these people are freaks, too. I mean, geez. I was scared for Coach Gaines. It almost seemed like they were going to kill him if the team didn’t win State. And am I the only one who found Mike Winchell (Lucas Black) totall adorable? I feel sick for crushing on a high school kid (well his character is a high school kid but Lucas is 23 in real life; but despite that fact that I’m only five years older than he is, I still feel like a dirty old hag) but he is so likeable in that movie. You can’t help but feel bad for him and all that he has to deal with. And he is such a good kid. The championship game was really exciting. I was at the edge of my seat.. Or rather, the bed (we watched it in the bedroom). Though I couldn’t help but laugh when Brian said, “Too bad real life football isn’t this exciting.” Brian isn’t much of a sports spectator. Actually, neither am I. Oh, we also found it funny how fanatical the town in. On game nights, all the stores close and the entire town goes to the game. Even when they went to State, the whole town shut down. Brian commented that we need to find us a town like this and loot it while they’re at State. We would make a killing, especially since even the cops are at the game! Ha! Ha!

Watched If Lucy Fell last night in the office. It was cute. Had some funny moments. It’s not one of my favorites, though. Anyway, I had watched bits and pieces of it before but I hadn’t watched the movie in its entirety until last night. Ben Stiller’s Bwick character was ridiculously dumb. And I had forgotten how hot Elle Macpherson is; I hadn’t seen pictures or images of her in a while. I love her! So sexy!

So anyway, you’re probably wondering what the deal is with the title of this blog post. Apparently, they showed my picture in the evening news. No I’m not on the KBI’s most wanted list. There were TV crews at the poker thing over the weekend and they used footage with me in it. As far as I know, only a couple of people that know me have seen it. I’m not sure who anonymous is below (see the comments for the previous post) but Haylie and my mom saw it. I wish I could’ve seen it.

Anyway, I didn’t really expect to be on TV. I mean, they usually only show a couple of seconds and surely they have much more interesting footage to show. I guess I was interesting enough. It helps to be cute. LOL! Kidding! I should’ve worn a Ponderosa Poker Posse shirt and gotten some attention for our band of poker bandits… Or at least written CMP (Crazy Monkey Poker) Club or cutecouple.us (and gotten some visitors out of it) or something on my shirt. Sigh. Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve. I’ll know for next time! LOL.

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