I Can’t Help Myself
Posted on May 24, 2005 by Ching under Life.
I just crack myself up. It makes other people’s brain hurt, though. My idiotic comments seem to have that effect on people. In training class today, they made us share our special skill that no one else knows about. I was thinking that I would tell them about my one-handed juggling, but I thought Angie knew about that already and it’s not nearly as impressive or as funny as the skill that I did share. I told them that my special skill that no one else knows about is my ability to flare my nostrils at will. You know me. I’m always trying to be funny. I’m just your regular, average, everyday village idiot really. So I was thinking about the blog-worthy repartee with Brian earlier (this guy hardly ever blogs, so I was really surprised that he blogged about this; I’m always saying stupid shit, but he’s never cared to blog about those other instances before). I just discovered another skill that I possess. I have the ability to make people’s brain hurt just by saying a few choice words. Now that’s talent right there! Better add it to my resumé!
Comment on This
Paying for Some Nookie
Posted on May 21, 2005 by Ching under Sex.
I told myself that I would be strong and resist Brian’s pleadings. I told him we wouldn’t get his birthday present until closer to his birthday. Last week he was being a whiny cry baby. He complained that the PSPs were all sold out and he wouldn’t be able to get himself one because they don’t plan on releasing any more until August. Well, they still had a whole bunch at the local Best Buy and at Wal-Mart. It didn’t seem like they were going to run out any time soon. Anyway, Brian and I were talking about it again and since we had time after my waxing today, we ended up just going to Best Buy and getting his presents. Early per usual. One day I will be more resolute and I’ll actually make him wait until the day of his birthday for his present. We got him a PSP with a Spider-man 2 movie, Hot Shots Golf, and Rengoku so he should be set for a while. Hopefully a while equates to at least a couple of months because we spent quite a bit. Oh, by the way, while we were checking out at Best Buy he actually told me that because he is so giddy someone (that someone being me) would actually get laid tonight. “That’s just really sad,” I replied. “I can’t believe I have to buy my nookie!” “I was just kidding,” he said in between bouts of laughter. “You’re not really getting laid tonight!” When he finished laughing he said that since I agreed to give him his present early, he wouldn’t deny me sex for the rest of the year. As in, I can have it anytime I want it and he won’t say no. I just laughed. I think he’s on a PSP high. He doesn’t realize what he is proposing. Two weeks from now he is going to regret ever making such a statement. Anyway, it’s like an early birthday for Brian. He got his presents and then we get to watch Episode III tomorrow. He’s going to be giddy all weekend. Of course, me being me, I’m going to take advantage and get as much sex as I can while I can still get it. LOL. … P.S. No new movie until someone guesses the last one! 😛
Comment on This
He Who Has the Last Laugh
Posted on May 20, 2005 by Ching under Web.
He who has the last laugh is slow at getting the joke. 😛
There has been a profound decrease in visitors lately. Perhaps the readership has dwindled because of the lack of drama of late. I should never have scoffed at the anonymous commenter, despite how much they irked me. LOL.
I told Mr. Duncan my woes a couple of weeks ago, during the height of the comment battle. At that time, I considered following in his footsteps and disabling the anonymous comments option. But then I decided, I didn’t really want to do that because I’d much rather rebut. You know me, naturally argumentative and belligerent.
I told Mr. Duncan that I’m not going to disable anonymous comments and then just forget all about it. I swore that I would fight back. I would fiercely reply to anything they would throw at me. I would make the foolishly brazen anonymous commenter think twice about leaving destructive comments in other people’s blogs in the future.
“You know the expression,” he says, “living well is the best revenge.”
“What fun is that?” I countered, “No one reads that stuff. It’s boring.” Case in point, my dwindling readership. No drama, no visitors. As you can see.
He proceeded to tell me that I sounded like Niles from an old episode of Frazier. Niles is odd, but he is funny. It made me realize why I used to enjoy watching the show on those rare occasions that I happened to be home to watch it. I totally relate to Niles. We are both odd people.
Comment on This
Protected: Stupidity Should be a Crime
Posted on May 19, 2005 by Ching under Life, Poker, Sex.
Comment on This
I’m a Dodohead
Posted on May 18, 2005 by Ching under School.
So I got a 115 out of a possible 120 on my Business Law final yesterday, despite having studied for the exam an hour before I was supposed to take it. I worked on my study guide on Sunday night and Monday night but never had time to actually read through it until I got home from work on Tuesday. I read through my study guide for like five minutes and told Brian to quiz me. I was so totally clueless that Brian was almost concerned.
“What types of claims does Social Security cover?”
“Ummm.. Old age.. Disability.. And something else.”
Brian does this airplane thing with his hand complete with crashing sound effects.
“What are you doing?”
“Giving you a clue.”
“And?”
“We watch it every Thursday.”
“CSI?” I asked with a perplexed look on my face. Like, what the hell does CSI have to do with Social Security?
“Survivors!” He exclaims rolling his eyes.
“Oh, duh?! That makes sense! Social Security covers three types of claims: old age, survivors and disability. I get it.”
At this point he thinks I am hopeless. And I’m thinking maybe he is right.
“What year was Title VII of the Civil Rights Act passed?”
“He’s not going to ask that.”
“He might.”
“Trust me. He won’t.”
“Give me the year.”
“I don’t know it.”
“You should. It protects you.”
“Well, I know the ADEA was passed in 1967 and the ADA, which protects you, was passed in 1991.”
I didn’t mean to insult him, but he was frustrating me. I didn’t really mean to insult him. I was trying to be funny. Anyway, we both busted up laughing. That’s what makes us so compatible. Brian is probably the only person in this world who gets me. I’m glad that he laughs at my jokes because if doesn’t, no one will.
So I decided to break down and finally share the stupid remark I said at the KANSEL fundraiser. The trivia question was “Elvis had a concert in which foreign country?” Our choices were Mexico, Canada, and Germany. Everyone at the table was rooting for Germany.
You know how I have a knack for saying the dumbest things. I go, “Did they even have planes back then?”
Jackie goes, “What’s wrong with you child?” She’s an older lady, so just picture her saying that. It was hilarious! Brian and I, who are used to my verbal diarrhea both cracked up.
Puhleeeze! I knew they had airplanes back then. The true question is, could he even fit in one? There is no way a plane could transport him all the way to Germany. But then I guess that all depends what era of Elvis’s life we are talking about.
At any rate, the answer was Canada.
So feel free to think I’m an idiot, you all. It’s cool. I’m used to it. I just can’t help the things that come out of my mouth sometimes (or the things that go in for that matter, lol).
Do I need to remind you all of the time that I said “Will you eat my biscuit?” and totally meant it in a non-sexual way? And then last Saturday, when Vinny (the chemical engineer) commented on how I had been rubbing Brian’s eyebrows for several minutes and that the hair would probably fall out soon, I declared to everyone who cared to listen that I liked rubbing things.
The verbal diarrhea is really becoming a problem. I should just try to keep my mouth shut from now on because there’s no telling what will come out of it next. … P.S. Bunz, Jen beat you to the last movie quote. P.P.S. I’m linking to Jen’s Flickr album instead of crankymonkey.com because the site is still down.
Comment on This
