Gift number one of three arrived today from Brian’s stalker friend.. Much to my dismay. And I said to myself, “I can handle this.” Brian will even attest to the fact that I didn’t freak out, didn’t do the jealous wife thing. In fact, I maintained a good sense of humor about it all. I’m thrilled for Brian for having enough appeal to attract a sugar mommy without even having to strip or jack off for the webcam. Kudos, baby! You win! You know I’m better than Brian at a lot of things, but he’s definitely better than me at getting strangers to send him gifts. That’s for sure. I’m not even going to bother competing with this girl. She’s not going to sucker me into it like the last time. She can keep wooing him all she wants. I know Brian won’t leave me. I give good head! Kidding aside, this is really great. She can buy him gifts, I can give him sex, and everyone is happy. I get to save money this way. Ha! Ha! Ha! Meet Ching, the eternal optimist. “Now I have to call her,” he says. “Definitely,” I tell him. “You should definitely call her and thank her for the gift.” “But what if she wants to have phone sex with me?” “Go for it. I don’t mind.” “I don’t even know what she looks like. I’m not having phone sex with her until I see a picture.” He starts laughing after saying this because he realizes that he said something that I might say. “What does it matter? You’re going to imagine that you’re fucking Rachel Ray (he’s had the hugest crush on the $40 a Day chick since he saw her in her underwear in FHM) while you’re jacking off anyway.” Brian is so careful about all this stuff. Always trying to reassure me that this crazy woman is not interested in him in that way and that she has a boyfriend. What the fuck ever. Well, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know that she wouldn’t spend this kind of money on him unless she’s interested. I mean, if I had extra money I’d be buying gifts for myself and my loved ones; not total strangers I have never met, and I may never meet, who are living five states away. Brian felt the need to point out that she sent his friend Jared a gift, too. He got a stroller for his kid. So, what? “Aren’t you glad you don’t have any children?” I asked him, “Otherwise, you’d be getting a stupid stroller, too. At least she’s sending you good stuff.” Anyway, I think it’s funny now.. But a couple of years from now when I’m blogging all alone because he has divorced me to be with his stalker friend I may not be laughing anymore. But that’s cool. I wouldn’t want to have the last laugh. You know what they say, “The person who laughs last ends up peeing.”