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Do I Embarrass You or Something?

Posted on August 16, 2011 by under Life.    

While driving to the gym after work today, Brian and I had the following conversation.

ME: Maybe we could have an anniversary do-over on Saturday.
BRIAN: Sure, but let’s not go to YaYa’s again.
ME: Why? Did I embarrass you or something? At least I didn’t pee or poop myself during my seizure.
BRIAN: No, but do you told everyone you farted.
ME: I remember telling the ER doc. She asked if I bit my tongue or my cheek, urinate or defecate, or otherwise injure myself during the episode. I said, “No. I didn’t poop or pee myself, but I think I farted.”
BRIAN: You did that too, but while you were laying on the ground you said you farted.
ME: Right there? While I was on the floor? And everyone was crowded around us trying to help? I just said it out of nowhere?
BRIAN: You were out of it. It took a lot to keep everyone from laughing. I saw this one woman snicker. The Asian guy with the three kids who helped us suppressed his laughter mostly because he didn’t want to seem insensitive for laughing at your predicament. The nurse didn’t flinch. She was so focused on checking your pulse and getting your vitals. That, and she’s probably used to people saying random stuff while they’re unconscious.
ME: OMG. I don’t remember that at all! We may need to wait a few weeks before going back. =P

Supposedly, it’s not uncommon for people to urinate or defecate themselves during a seizure episode. That’s what Dr. Davis at the ER said. I’m really glad that I didn’t, but I’m actually surprised by this. I figured, surely I would have peed myself. I have no bladder control whatsoever. I have to keep from peeing myself when I laugh uncontrollably. Violent sneezing or coughing fits make me pee. Shoot, whenever I run on the treadmill, I feel like urinating — which is really annoying ever since I’ve started running. I will go to the restroom right before my run and, within a few minutes, I feel like going to the restroom again. It’s really awkward and inconvenient.

I’ve been trying to figure it out for at least a couple of weeks now and it took a trip to ER to finally come up with an explanation. As we were going over my medical history, Brian remembered that I have a tilted uterus and told the doctor this. I guess when I run, my uterus smacks my bladder and makes me think that I need to pee. This explains why very little urine comes out when I do go. Because my bladder isn’t really full. I only think I need to pee. I don’t really have to. Now, if I can just figure out how to ignore that unpleasant feeling.

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