My La Perla g-string came in the mail today. How exciting! I told Brian I’m going to take a picture of me wearing it on my head and send it to my benefactor. Hey, I’m still wearing it! It may not be what he is expecting, but I am technically satisfying my promise.

Brian insisted that is too shady, though. He said I should follow through with my word.

In that case, the picture will have to wait until after Saturday. That’s when I get my bikini wax. I’m having Patricia wax it all off so Brenda will be nice and bare. Trust me, it will be a far better picture with no pubic hairs sticking out of the mesh fabric. LOL.

Amber and Jason came over yesterday while I was at work and surprised Brian with his very own Darth Vader mask. Amber had bought one for her son a few weeks ago. We saw it on the floor in Jason’s apartment one night when we came over to visit and Brian had expressed how jealous he was.

Brian who has always been a little kid at heart loves toys, but we have not been able to satisfy this passion of his for a while because money has been tight. Being on a single income will do that to you. Now that he is working again things are getting better, but we both agreed that we would change our extravagant ways so we have been really pragmatic about our spending. Toys, naturally, were out of the question for a while.

I guess Amber and Jason figured that Brian would never buy the mask for himself so they bought it for him. Wasn’t that nice of them? Anyway, Brian is really excited and he is looking forward to wearing the mask next time he plays poker at APL. It has a built in voice changer so you can breathe like Darth Vader while your thinking and you can also try the Jedi mind trick and make everyone fold when you need them to and call when you have the best hand. Pretty nifty, huh? I don’t know if that Jedi mind trick stuff will work, though. I guess we shall soon find out.

So anyway, Brian seems to be getting all the gifts lately. I’m not complaining. I am happy for him. But what about me? I want gifts, too!

Gift number one of three arrived today from Brian’s stalker friend.. Much to my dismay. And I said to myself, “I can handle this.” Brian will even attest to the fact that I didn’t freak out, didn’t do the jealous wife thing. In fact, I maintained a good sense of humor about it all. I’m thrilled for Brian for having enough appeal to attract a sugar mommy without even having to strip or jack off for the webcam. Kudos, baby! You win! You know I’m better than Brian at a lot of things, but he’s definitely better than me at getting strangers to send him gifts. That’s for sure. I’m not even going to bother competing with this girl. She’s not going to sucker me into it like the last time. She can keep wooing him all she wants. I know Brian won’t leave me. I give good head! Kidding aside, this is really great. She can buy him gifts, I can give him sex, and everyone is happy. I get to save money this way. Ha! Ha! Ha! Meet Ching, the eternal optimist. “Now I have to call her,” he says. “Definitely,” I tell him. “You should definitely call her and thank her for the gift.” “But what if she wants to have phone sex with me?” “Go for it. I don’t mind.” “I don’t even know what she looks like. I’m not having phone sex with her until I see a picture.” He starts laughing after saying this because he realizes that he said something that I might say. “What does it matter? You’re going to imagine that you’re fucking Rachel Ray (he’s had the hugest crush on the $40 a Day chick since he saw her in her underwear in FHM) while you’re jacking off anyway.” Brian is so careful about all this stuff. Always trying to reassure me that this crazy woman is not interested in him in that way and that she has a boyfriend. What the fuck ever. Well, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know that she wouldn’t spend this kind of money on him unless she’s interested. I mean, if I had extra money I’d be buying gifts for myself and my loved ones; not total strangers I have never met, and I may never meet, who are living five states away. Brian felt the need to point out that she sent his friend Jared a gift, too. He got a stroller for his kid. So, what? “Aren’t you glad you don’t have any children?” I asked him, “Otherwise, you’d be getting a stupid stroller, too. At least she’s sending you good stuff.” Anyway, I think it’s funny now.. But a couple of years from now when I’m blogging all alone because he has divorced me to be with his stalker friend I may not be laughing anymore. But that’s cool. I wouldn’t want to have the last laugh. You know what they say, “The person who laughs last ends up peeing.”