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Archive for "Sex"

Bedtime Conversation

Posted on July 17, 2010 by under Sex.    

“Who’s your favorite movie star or celebrity?”

“I don’t know?”

“How about Jessica Alba? You used to love Jessica Alba.”

“Nah..”

“You don’t find her sexy?”

“Well, maybe that girl from True Blood.”

“Sookie?”

“Yeah, Anna Paquin. How about you?”

“Brad Pitt.”

“You can’t say Brad Pitt. That is so cliche. Everybody says Brad Pitt.”

“Okay, Ryan Reynolds then.”

“Who?”

“Guy in the Proposal… Van Wylder… Blade Trinity… Definitely Maybe…”

“Oh, Deadpool.”

“Yes, that guy! But not as the Deadpool character. Picture him in Van Wylder or the Proposal. That guy. So if Ryan Reynolds came in to town and he was willing to have sex with me, would you let me?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. I’m curious.”

“No.”

“Not even if you could have sex with Anna Paquin also?”

“I wouldn’t want to have sex with Anna Paquin.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m married.”

“You’re no fun.”

The next morning…

“Alright. I’ve thought about our conversation from last night some,” I told Brian while he’s giving me this perplexed look.

He’s looking at me like, What the heck did we talk about last night?

So I continued, “Now that I’ve slept on it. I won’t have sex with Ryan Reynolds.”

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Gotta love those fantasies!

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Funniest. Book. Ever.

Posted on September 20, 2009 by under Sex.    

We went to Brian’s parents’ house today to deliver the replacement gift card to Brian’s mom. When we arrived, we found Brian’s dad cleaning out the closet. He pulled out this book, which I think belonged to Brian’s grandmother. It was printed in the 1930s — you know, before they used actual numbers on the copyright page and they were still using roman numerals. I flipped through the pages and read some sections aloud and we all busted up laughing. This book is hilarious!

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I may need to buy a copy for Jenni. LOL.

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The Ring

Posted on May 21, 2007 by under Babies, Reviews, Sex, Travel.    

I was going to title this post as “The Ring of Terror” but thought it overly dramatic for a post about birth control. As you all know Brian and I do not plan to have children in the near future. Actually, we don’t plan to have children in the far future either. Children are pretty much out of the question.

I have been on the Ortho Evra birth control patch for many years. Aside from it getting gunky, falling off on occasion, and square discoloration all over my body I really had no complaints. I used to get a three-month supply for only $40 through mail order. Not too bad.

However, last year they made a change so the cost almost doubled. Instead of $40, the cost went up to $70. So suddenly, all of the downsides of the patch which were not a big deal before were no longer acceptable. I finished out the rest of my year on the patch but Brian and I decided that we would explore other alternatives.

Oral contraceptives were out of the question because of my pill phobia. Even as small as the birth control pill is, I just can’t do it. I think it tastes bad (this is probably mostly psychological) and it makes me queasy.

I had heard of the ring before but I had never tried it because I thought it was weird. I mean, who wants to shove a foreign object in there? Anyway, at $40 for a three-month supply (like the patch used to be) and being non-oral, it seemed like a best alternative.

This is my first month (I’m on my third week, actually) on the ring and so far so good. Although, I have been reading some weird things about it. Some of the most common complaints include the ring unexpectedly falling out during intercourse or during regular day-to-day activities (which I dismissed as people just not inserting it properly or far enough), feminine itching, infections, mood swings, weight gain, nausea, and blood clots. None of these really bothered me. However, today I read that the blood clots have led to some fatalities. That’s pretty scary. Although, I doubt that the FDA would approve something that is bad for you. (more…)

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Trip to Peabody

Posted on June 3, 2006 by under Life, Sex.    

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The drive up to Peabody was nice and peaceful. I had forgotten how much I liked highway driving. Of course, Brian was driving and I was merely a passenger this time but you know what I mean.

We decided to take a drive to Peabody to check out what the town was like and if it would truly viable for us to move there. Even though the free land sounded like a whale of a deal, there were several glaring disadvantages.

The first and most important one being, there is absolutely no cellphone signal in Peabody. Despite this, however, Brian and I still almost talked ourselves into moving forward with the plan.

The second disadvantage is the nearly hour-long drive to get there from Wichita. I had orginally guesstimated (yes, I know this isn’t a real word; bite me) about 30-45 minutes based on the distance, but this is not actually the case when you’re driving.

It took us almost an hour to get there and this on a day with no traffic, no construction and good weather. Imagine what it will be like under unfavorable conditions. Also, that’s only one way. If we were to live there and continue to work in Wichita, it would involve a two-hour commute each day.. and a lot of patience! Granted the drive to and from will be relaxing, but staying in bed an extra hour and a half is much more so.

The town itself is not that bad. It reminded me a bit of Starshollow. Which brings me to the third point, there is absolutely nothing to do there. There’s a small grocery store (smaller than most Kwik Shops), a small bowling alley (about the size of the one in Rhatigan Student Center at WSU but only more antiquated), a pub called The Hub (they actually had live entertainment on some nights so it looked kind of promising as small town bars go) and a Carnegie library (a lot smaller in size than your average Wichita bookstore but it boasts being the first free public library in Kansas).

Brian and I half-joked (I say half-joked because we did seriously consider the prospect for about two seconds) about going to Montana Mikes in Newton for date nights if we moved to Peabody. The rest of the date would be spent having outdoor sex in the outskirts of town, finally making one of my long-time fantasies a reality. But then, we could always drive to Peabody to have outdoor sex anytime. A lifetime of date nights spent at Montana Mike is a huge price to pay to fulfill a fetish.

A note to Kansas entrepreneurs, Brian and I actually discussed (over breakfast at Sharon’s Korner Kitchen; incidentally this is probably the best breakfast I’ve ever had) opening up a drive-in movie theater. There are no movie theaters in Peabody so it would give residents something to do. We thought about placing it near Peabody and Newton to maximize profit but then we decided to nix the idea because we figured we wouldn’t have time to save enough capital and we couldn’t borrow the money because we wouldn’t be able to make the payments. We couldn’t really forsee making a ton of money of the venture because Newton folks just drive to Wichita for entertainment anyway. We might make enough to make ends meet but probably not enough to pay our loan premiums. We just figured it would be something nice to do for the town of Peabody.

The bottom-line is that the whole idea of moving to Peabody in a couple years has been pretty much squashed. However, we did find out that the homesteading thing is happening all over the United States. There is free land everywhere. While this may be the end of the line for Peabody for us, it’s merely the beginning of our prospecting and speculation.

So who knows? In a few years, we may be moving to a small town near you. 😉

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The Animated Kama Sutra

Posted on February 18, 2006 by under Sex.    

Here’s an interesting web site that I came across this evening while waiting for Brian to get tired of playing his new game addiction, World of Warcraft.. It’s the Kama Sutra, Animated! I have the book somewhere but we put it away several months (maybe a couple of years) back and now I can’t find it. Of course, who needs the book when the animated version is now available online?

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