Archive by Author
Dirty Sanchez!
Posted on January 18, 2006 by Brian under Sex.
Have you ever seen the movie “The 40 Year Old Virgin” or “Deuce Bigalow 2”? If you have do you remember when they had conversations about giving someone a “Dirty Sanchez” or a “Cleveland Steamer” or even a “Donkey Punch”. Did you ever wonder what they were talking about or even if these positions really existed. What… no you say! You lying bastards!
Well here I am to help you twisted little perverts out. Now I know you always wanted to look these terms up but were too scared to because you thought “what if my wife catches me reading this” or “My husband might look at my internet history and find out that I’m looking at this and then I’ll never get him to quit asking for sex”. Well fear no more because I am here to help you sick degenerate fucks out. Here is a list of the nastiest sexual positions UNKNOWN to man. (more…)
1 Comment
Poker, Football and the Ultimatum.
Posted on January 5, 2006 by Brian under Poker.
Last night Ching and I went to Hero’s again to play poker (recap for those that didn’t read my wife’s blog. We went to heroes last night to try to qualify for the $1000.00 prize poker tourney at the Big Boys Toy Show this Saturday. The final opportunity to qualify was Tuesday and Wednesday). so here we are at the joint getting ready to play poker when they turn on the Texas/USC game. Now the place goes dumb! The people that are playing poker are also watching the dammed football game. I figured this would be great since they wont be paying attention to the game I can probably push a lot of these guys around because they wont know what the hell their are doing. I stuck with my new tactic of playing tight and only betting on winning hands and not chasing flushes or straights like normal. Well my plan back fired, and them not paying attention worked to their advantage. They freaking called without looking at crap, rose not knowing what was on the board and got lucky with straights, flushes and the occasional boat. It was ridiculous and unbelievable. I was knocked out before break on a 2 pair. I had 2 pair Ace’s and Kings. The jack ass that wasn’t even paying attention that called my all in doesn’t even look at his cards but continues to call. I think to myself, this is great and I am going to get a Hugh pot. I finally flip over my cards and he flips over his. He has King, 4 suited, clubs. Theirs 2 clubs on the board and the min I saw them I knew I was hosed. He goes “oh, look! I only need one card to make a flush. The dammed river was that card. I didn’t even say anything, I just got up and walked all the way outside I was so pissed. This is why I hate playing free poker. Theirs no consequence for their actions. If they loose then its “Oh Well!†if they win its “Man I’m skilled†or “I felt it coming†like they have mystical powers but only when they play poker and only when they win off something really stupid.
But Ching got to go play and qualified so I am glad for her. As for me, I guess it’s a stay in the car and a walk by myself around the Big Boy Toy Show. Maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll have a bikini contest!!!
No Comments
Man What a Year!
Posted on December 15, 2005 by Brian under Life.
I truly don’t know where to begin with this one, I should go over all the details of the year since that’s what I’m posting about but its just too much to write about. So instead I’m going to sing a song! Kidding, instead I’ll pick a few goods and bads out of the year, things that just really stood out.
January was one of the worst months of the year for us, we had this incredible Ice Storm come in and blanket the entire city in ice and snow. People were without power for weeks; my wife who works for the power company was working almost 18hrs a day for over a month. She was so stressed out that she was about ready to kill everyone that spoke to her. It was a pretty tense time for all of us, but we worked it out.
In April I finally got a job with Cox Communications. It was fun, we had TV’s all over the place and I got to learn something new about a product that I actually used (quite regularly). I also learned that to some people the cable is just as important to them as oxygen is to everyone. I spoke with people that just could not live without their cable, but didn’t have jobs to pay for the services they had. I believe that 50% of the people that I spoke with were on some sort of fixed income like Social Security or Disability. However, they did not budget this income and instead paid cable before everything else. It was really sad to see how much television has infected the minds of society. I watch TV don’t get me wrong, but I have the responsibility to realize that their are more important things to pay like house, power, food, transportation. Some folks just don’t realize that their is a big world out their and television will only make that world smaller if they allow themselves to get engulfed in it.
About July my mother lost her job, this was an eventful time. I tried to console my parents as much as I could, my father thought the world was going to end and my mother lapsed into a deep depression (mainly because she has never been fired from a job before in her entire life). Finally my father realized that this is not the end of the world and tried to look at the positive. My mother is still to this day unemployed. She is continuing to look for jobs in the field that she worked before as a Paralegal Secretary, but the job market is pretty thin in this area.
In September we got 2 new additions t the family, our sugar gliders. They are adorable. If you want to know more about them then just go to my wife’s page. Their is always new pictures and stories about what they have done.
In November I finally quit Cox and started working for Engenio technologies. It’s a great company and I am much happier. I have a lot to learn and it’s real advanced as far as the type of knowledge I need to know. Unlike most of my other jobs I can’t bull shit these people because they actually know what the hell they are talking about. Unlike your average customer in the consumer world that doesn’t know jack shit about anything accept that it’s broke and he wants it fixed.
Other than that we are working every day to make the world better. My new motto; Healing America by Beating People Up!
No Comments
What, I Win! I Never Win!
Posted on December 11, 2005 by Brian under Poker.
Where do I begin? Let’s just start at the beginning of the evening. We were asked by a good poker playing friend of ours to come over and play a friendly game of poker with some folks and just basically have a good time and get to gather with other couples like our selves. I got directions to her house and we started off, as we entered the neighbor hood I noticed that one of the landmarks that Michelle (that’s our friend) had given me was a Christmas tree all lit up in her front yard. Well that really didn’t help me any because everyone and their freaking neighbor had a dammed Christmas tree in their yard lit to the point that Astronauts could see them from space. So I moved to the next land mark which was the type of house they had. That was easier to find! So we go in and get settled and start playing. About 45 min into the game my dad calls.
DAD: “What are you doing?”
ME: “Playing Poker, what’s up?”
DAD: “It’s your Mom, I need your help!”
ME: Sigh…”I’m on my way”
So I tell everyone to just post and fold me and I would return as soon as I could. I jump in the car and leave Ching to play her game while I got blinded out and mucked while I was away. As I’m coming up on Rock and Lincoln I notice an Ambulance coming out of the station. I say to myself “that’s got to be for mom” and so I follow it like a Lawer looking for a case to chew on. Sure enough I get to the house and the Ambulance and rescue truck are their and I pull in right behind the ambulance. I get in to find my mom in a caesura on the bed. Now here’s the part I haven’t figured out (till later). My father (In his infinite wisdom) decided that the Monday after Thanksgiving in the middle of an ice storm he was going to take his ass up on the roof of his house and fix the flashing on the chimney. Not to my surprise he fell off the roof and broke his back. He is now in a back brace for 6 weeks to let it heal. So what I’m wondering is how does a man with a broken back that cant even get a pencil up off the floor get a woman like my mother into bed off the floor. I found out later that my mom used what little energy she had left to help my dad get her into bed and then she was done and the caesuras started. So this also explained why my father was in so much pain for the rest of the evening. Now we return to me and what was about to happen. I tell dad that he’s going to ride with my grandparents and I’ll come pick him up when they get her admitted and everything calms down, I told him that Ching was still at this party and I couldn’t leave her their. He was fine with this and said to go back to the party till he called. I did and when I got their I had already been chipped up twice and was fixing to get put all in by the blinds. I managed to last till the final table by playing very conservable and getting what ever I could in the way of chips. I actually outlasted my wife who was at the final table with me. I was explaining to everyone what happened and really at this point was not in the mood to play poker any more and wasn’t paying that much attention when I got to the last three players. I knocked the third person out and it was left to me and Annette (the sister of the friend that invited us). We bounce back and fourth then in an act of desperation (mainly to finish it off so I could go spend some time with my dad) I go all in on a King Seven off suite, Annette had a King Queen off suite. When all the cards were laid out I wasn’t even paying attention. Then everyone looked at the table and looked at me and said “you won!†I thought they were full of shit till I looked and saw that I had the dammed straight with my 7. I couldn’t believe it, I freaking won.
That’s when my wife tells me “Wow, you play better poker when your not here then when you actually sit and play”. So from now on I’m going to leave my game for about 30 minutes and then come back. Maybe I’ll start to win more!
No Comments
Early Mornings, Big Sales and Crazy People!
Posted on November 27, 2005 by Brian under Life.
Well Friday morning I did the unthinkable. After almost a week of saying NO to my wife’s bantering about going shopping after Thanksgiving I was sucked into getting up early. She said that she wants to experience the whole after holiday shopping experience. I said fine, we’ll get up so she can see the horror that is known as “BLACK FRIDAY”. So first we go to Wal-Mart, here we would be faced with the insane “I’m going to push the limit of shopping” folks. These are the people that go into the store with the sale adds and have everything they are wanting already circled and the line that says “Limit of X amount” highlighted and fill their baskets with more than this limit with hopes that the check out people will be in too big of a hurry to remember that their was a limit. I walked past the line that was waiting to get into the electronics section. I was looking for something specific and didn’t feel like waiting. While wondering thru this mess of people I witnessed two separate arguments with two separate security guards both threatening to kick out the people they were arguing with because they were trying to buy more than the limit set in the add. Everyone knows that they are not Christmas shopping. They are buying this shit to sell on eBay to all the desperate fucks that don’t do the whole store shopping experience and will pay 2 to 3 times the amount for it. We went to target after this, and believe me this was not nearly as bad. Except the sales were not all that much better. All in all it wasn’t that bad of an experience (that I would rather not repeat). We got our whole family bought in one day and even picked up a few things for ourselves and came in $100.00 under budget. I can’t complain really except that we got up at 6am on a holiday, had to wade threw messy dirty people and try to maintain my patience and dignity.
No Comments
