Shallowness
Posted on September 4, 2004 by Ching under Confessions, Life.
I should probably work out. But I think I’m going to play on UB for an hour. Brian will come home around noon. We’ll grub and then rest a bit. I’ll probably work out, if I can get motivated enough, and then shower and go to work. Put in my time from 4p to 8p and then see if Brian wants to go out (rolling my eyes) later. I think if I bribe him with dinner at Carrabba’s he just might. I took out cash yesterday and everything! I didn’t even get to use it. =(
It’s been a while since we’ve gone out dancing. It’s been a month, I think. I don’t have too much homework yet so I better take advantage while I still can. But now the dillema is what to wear to work so that I don’t have to change later.. I think I might just have to change after work. Even though it’s a weekend there will be a lot of people working and I can’t set a bad example since I’m in leadership now. =(
You’re probably thinking that my life is so shallow and my worries are nothing. I wish that were the case. I have to talk about mundane things to keep from talking about the real issues going on in my life that I am unable to discuss. Like how someone complained about me on our integrity hotline.. I won’t go any further because I’m not allowed to talk about it. Besides, I may still be under investigation. Who knows? Better be safe than sorry. Remind me in a few months. Hopefully, I’ll have survived the ordeal unscathed, I can tell you the story and we can all laugh about it. At this particular point in time, though, I’m not laughing. The opposite is actually true. I cried. I cried a lot on Thursday. That’s when I found out. I think I was mostly in shock. But it was also partly because my feelings were hurt. How could anyone do something like that? After I go out of my way to be nice to everyone?
It was good, though. For a while there I had forgotten that I had feelings, too. I’d gone on for so long being indifferent. It was an awakening.
I also realized that I am so careful and nice to everyone and because of all of the energy that I expend doing so, I end up being crabby and cranky when I come home to Brian. He takes the brunt of my frustrations and he doesn’t deserve it. So I guess, this situation (though unpleasant) is a blessing in disguise. It’s good because it has helped to open my eyes. Look at me, always finding the silver lining!
Then there is that other thing. Something that I created on my own. Is it boredom? I think it’s more than that because I’ve got lots of :toys: to combat my boredom. I think it’s because I haven’t been shopping. Maybe? Normally, I’m always shopping online. Lately, I’ve been more creative with my free time. No shopping. So from a financial standpoint this is a good thing. There are some negative aspects, though.
I think I will need to reassess the situation in the next few days. I’m sure I’ll find other things to do that will have less negative externalities. I may just go back to shopping. After all, it does give me a lot of satisfaction. I don’t know.. But now that I’m thinking about it, I’ve got some planning to do.
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