2013 Was Not As Tedious As I Thought It’d Be

I went to buy a new addition to my technological family – Luigi.

samsung-dv300f

377737_10151306625083121_1651384112_n

Samsung DV300F.Dual LCD. WiFi Connection, which means instant upload to YouTube, Facebook, Email, etc. Also, built in editing, and the best feauture I’ve found useful so far – getting stills from videos captured.

img_dv300f_02

I also went ahead and got a tripod, all meant to assist with blogs and video blogs to be more specific.

1070372_sa

1070372cv6a

Yes, there was 4 feet of snow on the ground, but Goldie is a champ and I am impatient. I got my toy and broke my car.

Here’s a vid of the drive to the shop:

Basically, I broke my drive shaft after getting stuck and trying to rough my way out of it. But Goldie’s back in fighting shape and has recovered well.

Meanwhile I kept getting craftier with Mod Podge:

Making My Mardi Gras Mask February 5, 2013

Step 1: Buy supplies. Mask. Mod Podge. Glitter. Tape. Scissors. Granted some of these you might already have at home. The mask and the glitter, definitely did not have. Now, lay out some paper, because glitter makes a big mess.

Step 2: I taped on the eye holes, and the outer margins, only because I wanted those to be different color. Do yours however you feel like.

Step 3: Slather the Mod Podge. It serves as glue in this step.

Step 4: Pour the glitter. There will be a lot of excess, unless you are a glitter professional, which I am not. But I was able to save whatever landed on the paper and put them back in the glitter bottle. Waste not, want not.

Step 5: I started with taking the tape off the outer margins. Outer margins seemed an easier choice.

Step 6: Mod Podge the edge, (trying not to hit the parts that are already glittered to prevent from mixing colors) and pour the blue glitter on. To be honest though, I chose the mixed color glitter in the middle because it would be more forgiving for any mistakes I might make.

Step 7: Peel off the tape from the eye holes which became difficult because I had to dig through the glitter.

Step 8: You guessed it, Mod Podge and pour more glitter.

Step 9: Shake off any excess glitter. Notice you look like you just stepped out of a strip club and Mod Podge the whole entire thing. This time, the Mod Podge asks as a laminate.

Step 10: The crucial part. You have to do work on a spreadsheet. Finish that. Play on Facebook a couple times. Prepare your bag for work. The whole time, you must resist the urge to touch the mask. It’s drying stupid! I don’t know how much time actually passed, but it should end up looking like this.

Good. Now I have my mask done. I have excess supplies for my coworkers, and they will need to decorate their own, because DAMN.

I posted another untitled poem:

You might think me unstable
You might think me weak willed
But when it comes to surviving
I’m unmatched in my skills
You can consider me lost
Or that I’ve lost my way
But based on my current status
I’ve still got loads to say
You might suspect any day now
And you’ll finally witness me fall
And tomorrow, eye to eye, I’ll tell you
You never knew me, not at all.

And a titled poem:

I Had A Bad Dream Again

There’s no appropriate saying
Not even one word that would belong
A thousand different perspectives
And each one of the wrong
I can’t describe what’s inside me
I’m not even sure it’s there
It’s just that I feel it everyday
I feel it everywhere
It’s an overwhelming something
Maybe even nothing at all
This hope that somenone will catch me
This fear that it’s more than just a fall

I discovered the Assistance League of Wichita:

Ching, Nicole and I made a video haul –

2431 E Douglas
Wichita, KS 67211
(316) 687-6107
Hours: Tue-Fri 10-6 and Sat 10-4

Philantropic Programs:

  • Operation School Bell – provides new clothing to USD 259 school children pre-K through 8th grade, as determined by social workers.
  • ALW Scholarship – provides full tuition for technical courses at Wichita Area Techinical College or Butler Community College to qualifying USD 259 high school seniors.
  • Sexual Assualy Victim Support – provides new seasonal clothing to adult sexual assualt victims. Clothes are distributed to area hospitals by the Wichita Area Sexual Assault Center.
  • Bear Hugs – provides teddy bears to sexually abused children upon entry to the SANE/SART program at Via Christi, St Joseph Campus.

Also, another organization I’ve always supported BBBS, I got Linda Griffin to give us info on what I’ve been bowling for all these years, (besides the pizza and beer.)

Another craft:

Reviving A New Cell Phone Case May 5, 2013

There are no actual phone case for me that are up to my specs, which is, there are not actual gold cases. I’ve went to every kiosk in the malls where each case is $10, and even with that amount I wouldn’t settle for their cheesy cases. I’ve ordered a couple through Ebay and the closest I got was a gold and black animal print.

2013-05-04 18.02.01
After a couple months the wear and tear started showing through and there was no good to me anymore. At one point I used an old plain black old case and painted it gold with nail polish. The nail polish didn’t last and started peeling off after a while. And after a couple drops also didn’t help the case, because now it no longer snapped shut close at certain points.

2013-05-05 10.33.25
I decided to revive a new case using the animal print case (I rarely throw anything away), and this time used spray cans. At $3.77 a can it still cheaper than buying a new case.

2013-05-04 18.04.06

Here is the final result:

2013-05-05 10.33.17

I added a quote from Pope St. Francis as a little motivation to remind me as inspiration. This way I used mod podge to add the quote. It says “Swin against the tide; it’s good for the heart.”

Got addicted and created another phone case:

The New Phone Case June 1, 2013

2013-06-01 18.52.02

I had been waiting for FOREVER to decorate this case. I have had so much stuff going on that it was kept in the back burner, even though I already had most of what I needed to decorate. I ordered the clear case two weeks ago and I had so many shipping problems with the seller I almost just ordered another one and asked for a refund. Thank goodness it finally arrived. Obviously, by now, you can tell I’m obsessed with cell phone cases. I usually change them every two months. So, yay, for a new one! Here’s the instructional video in case you want to decorate one for yourself or a friend.

The actually making of the case was about a 3 hour process. In between steps I updated an agenda book that I bought. I finally broke down and got one because of the fact that my obligations, social and otherwise are really piling up. Of course, you can’t always rely that plans won’t change so I’ve only filled it out until August so far. That’s the beginning of Fall semester so that will be when things will get very hectic.

Looking forward to keeping this blog updated though so more to come.

And I joined the Young Professionals of Wichita Political Awareness Team:

I got to sit with Tim Norton County Commissioner over lunch, James Clendenin City Council District 3, and Senator Michael O’donnell. I have videos I could post but knowing politics, what they spoke of then has probably been editted if not completely forgotten. If you’re the curius type though, they are all in my YouTube channel.

One thing I learned being in YPW. Networking as a “young professional” is fairly similar to finding a table to sit at in the high school cafeteria. And trying to get a break on a story about anything about your city, takes 3 promises, 4 forwarded emails, and a dead end, and you can’t get frustrated, you just gotta keep coming.

My entire family enjoyed the Cotillion.

484684_10151554431523121_617230355_n

945084_10151554430938121_989118818_n

946537_10151554431333121_2063259819_n

1000776_10151554430778121_328193708_n

1010274_414983121950173_2007800514_n

1010772_10151527696153121_1734685767_n

1011870_10151554431033121_999553969_n

1012693_10151554430708121_691043821_n

1013091_414983245283494_2005370919_n

1014356_10151527694293121_379766547_n

1044276_414984261950059_218463223_n

escorts

And I celebrated my birthday at my favorite dive, watching Jeopardy and playing Scrabble with my sister, brother-in-law, and a few close friends.

1459166_10151857408783121_1760448498_n

And some more books listed of my must read list:

ghost-184x300

old-man-199x300

2012…Because I have to get this over with.

It was a year of taking back my life. It was the year a life was taken from me:

20063_106329649383374_6992770_n

399827_337799836258632_1922556157_n

I had a lot of grim and gloom which I’m glad I can erase, maybe not in the wholest of forms, but in some way.

I started Zumba:

zumba

Mainly because my sister taught the classes, and she bribed me with free Zumba gear. It’s great cardio, but as I found out, it can also help with muscle tone with the help of 2lb weights for each hand and ankle.

This is just 15 minutes of an hour of non-stop dancing. Now imagine the weights on each limb. I wish you could see the faces Nicole and I are making to each other. To top it off, the class we usually go to was on Saturday mornings. That’s hangover aerobics, y’all. Yeah, the peppy girl in the front is my sister. SMH.

My Cousing Reuel and his wife Sonnie visited from Norway:

320373_4288580252338_373593798_n

529661_10151049799534169_234757017_n

552552_10151049743434169_27396704_n

557143_4288585732475_1211758003_n

DCIM100MEDIA

Got a couple books knocked off my read list:

319457_10151019524213121_1703683303_n

262280_10151079423698121_2099211463_n

Joined the Electronic Cigarette Club:

Originally bought it, just to tie me over for the winter, and forgot to go back to real cigs since. Actually, working on cutting this down, as well. Started on 24mg nicotine, down to 18mg, and now on 6mg. My next bottle is already bought and it’s at 0mg. I’m fairly excited.

Did a TuTu Experiment:

The Trials and Tribulations of Wearing a Tutu October 21, 2012

Anthony and friend spots a little girl wearing a tutu. Something said like “it’s only cute because she doesn’t know better” I say, “I can wear a tutu and make it cute”, something like “do it then” something about 7 days and needing pictures to prove it. Obviously the how and why got vague, but in the end I was in a mission to prove that not only could I wear a tutu for 7 days, I would wear it and no one would treat me any differently even if I was a grown adult that should know better. From my perspective, regardless of how you’re dressed and how you look, the way people treat is the exact reflection of how you carry yourself. And if you don’t know me, I carry myself with a bit of an air. I’m awesome like that.

So it begins with a plea. Asking coworkers “Anyone have a tutu or know a place I can get a tutu?” One coworker, Christina, has access to tutus, they are her little daughter’s, and yes, I borrowed from that little girl. Please, don’t even try judging me based one that tiny detail, the air up here is too dense. When I get hold of said tutus (there were two) I put one on and started the show.

Day 1 Wednesday

Everyone makes a statement about how “cute” it is. I say my thanks and try to act nonchalant as to not bring attention to it, because then that wouldn’t make my point at all. People aren’t supposed to notice the tutu. But then Julie, another coworker, who I told about my little experiment, starts to tell people at work commenting on it, that it’s an experiment. It’s one of those, laugh and shake your head moments, and I tell her that experiments don’t usually work when people know that it’s an experiment. Anyway, after about an hour or two or three, normal work resumes. Until, of course, nature calls and I start staring at the damned tutu trying to figure out if I should hold it up or pull it down. So far, the most inconvenient thing about tutus.

Got home, watched TV, until Matt came by to get Quentin. I run upstairs to verify Jen’s upcoming birthday, and before I could finish my question “Nice tutu” Ugh. I forgot I was still wearing it. “Thanks. When is Jen’s birthday?” The tutu has now become a distraction, and a reason for people to interrupt me. Grrrr.

Day 2 Thursday

I get up and do my morning routine of preparing my drive to work coffee. Mom asks “Costume day at work already?” “No, just me.” I realized that I had timed the tutu experiment right near Halloween and for an entire week people are going to think that I keep getting my days wrong. That’s fine. I arrive at work, and everyone is still excited that I’m wearing the tutu. Pass a male coworker in the halls “Two days in a row? You need a new tutu.” Then I realized that even though there is a second one, I would refuse to change it, because it seems that would pacify some people more. I do love making my life difficult, it’s why it’s so fun. Sales coach during the day asks “What’s the point of the tutu?” apparently, Julie didn’t get to her, so I briefly answered “It makes me feel pretty.” Work resumes per usual. I am in a constant watch for my numbers and getting the month finished with my metrics on the up and up. The only tutu related difficulty for the day (besides when going to the restroom) was the fact that they kept crumpling up when I sat down. Then everytime I would stand up, any older female coworker with the hint of motherly instincts would always have to urge to “fluff” my back side. Unsettling, but also got me to wonder why tutus made people forget the simple matter of boundaries. Curious. Went to the bar that night as well. No major comments from the regulars, they never really need explanations, but here’s a picture anyway.

Day 3 Friday

Early morning doctor’s appointment. My main concern was “How am I going to ask anyone to take my picture there?” Sat in the lobby, an older couple mentioned the tutu but they spoke too softly to each other for me to decipher the words, I looked at them and they smiled without making eye contact. Old people are sweet in a very creepy way. I get called by the nurse and she asks how I was but never mentioned my tutu. Which is funny considering where I got my shot that day. I took the picture myself.

My tutu was sore for the rest of the work day. Which made it very awkward I think for the guy that worked in the next cube. I kept saying out loud that my “tutu hurts”. (I have a theory that if you say your problems out loud, it alleviates them somehow. i.e. I always tell people when I am hungry, and that always helps until lunch time comes.)

That night Dustin had invited me to go to a bon fire. I dressed myself according the the night’s chilly weather and then had to make a quick judgement call on the tutu. I didn’t want to be responsible for the smell, or even worst, getting the tulle singed. Yes, I skipped the tutu that night. You can’t punish me, I’m on the interwebs.

Day 4 Saturday

Early morning Zumba with Ching. Ching, if you know her is almost always giddy in a very high pitch sing songy way “Awwwww, I like your tutu.” I didn’t expect different from her. After Zumba we drove to her house, ate with Brian, then I left to get ready for my Halloween celebrations for the night. First stop was Target. Crap! First public place where I don’t know anyone, and people are just going to stare. Walked around, looked through pets to see if I wanted to wear a collar for the kitty costume decided against it, walked through socks and hosiery looking for knee socks because I expected to get cold, then looked at purses so I could get a smaller wristlet to carry. At the end of it, I was sort of disappointed I didn’t notice anyone noticing me. How come I hate it when I prove myself right?

Anyway, tutu did not match the costume so no tutu that night either.

Day 5 Sunday

Hungover, naked in bed most of the day. No tutu. Seriously. Which I think Christina’s daughter would greatly appreciate. Oh, and no picture either, assfucks.

Day 6 Monday

I put my tutu on, to show up to work to take the day off. That’s how I roll. The rest of the day I spent in front of the tv. Like this…

The tutu was starting to get comfortable though, I think I almost wore it to bed. I definitely need my own.

Day 7 Tuesday

It was the last day of the tutu. To be honest I think I was getting fatter each day. I could see gaps where there was garter but not enough tutu. The tutu was giving me a complex not because of other people’s reactions but all by myself. Stupid tutu. Also, great timing, a higher up was visiting and came looking for my immediate supervisor. I felt the responsibility to go up and let him know that she had gone to lunch late and had 10 more minutes left of a regular hour lunch. He said, thanks, and complimented my tutu. A couple of my row mates had a good laugh. But all day I felt a sense of celebration. I was going to be celebrating my own Independence Day. Finally being able to relieve myself without having to put my belt back on through layers upon layers of tulle. No longer having to fluff my back side everytime I sat up. I was looking forward to the end of the work day. Until Ching and Brian invited us to dinner. Carraba’s, me and my tutu. Drinking a Sangria, wearing a dress-up accessory. Fuck you, Anthony.

So, in the instances, when I forgot I was wearing the tutu, it seemed other people forgot it too. So I still think it is in how you carry yourself. Unfortunately, walking around being aware that you are dressed like a wanna-be-bridesmaid-reject-doll will affect how you carry yourself. There were plenty of those moments, and there will be others that may or may not involve a tutu but when that moment strikes best you can do is go with the flow and let them fluff your back side.

I returned both tutus this morning. For Halloween Day I wore my regular clothes – shirt, jeans, hoodie.

And I started getting crafty:

It all started out when I started Zumba and needed easy access to a towel. It was a bit of a hassle running out of place to grab my towel from my bag to wipe off and then run back in place. I looked for my old golf towel since it has a hook and thought I could hook it to a belt loop, but since it was folded lengthwise it was too long to work out with, but I knew I could create one that would work better. I went shopping for supplies.

First attempt:


I made a couple more. Gave one to my sister.

Of course, no big surprise since I hang out at Finns all the time I noticed the bartenders wearing towels by tucking them in their pants. I thought it would be a great idea to make a couple for them too. I got a bit delayed, but finally made a couple. Kyle got his first. This time I got more picturesof step by step on how I made it:



It’s not quite as step by step as some DIY blogs, but I’m not big on instructions anyway. Besides the pictures should speak for themselves. Otherwise, ask me questions or ask me for one.

Final picture is of Kyle with his towel, Amy and Michael should have theirs by tomorrow.

And I celebrated my 32nd birthday:

20414_945272579472_1993531378_n

45303_10151169375358121_1556909814_n

IMAG0361-1

And I got closer to family:

DCIM100MEDIA

DCIM100MEDIA

DCIM100MEDIA

DCIM100MEDIA

DCIM100MEDIA

DCIM100MEDIA

IMAG0137-1

IMAG0140-1

By Far 2011 Will Be The Longest Post…of The Day

I started the year out with these doozies:

A personalized necklace from my mom and a personalized t-shirt from Ching. My family is hilarious:

63256_490656703120_2279681_n

Then a visit to Memphis for a new baby:

181793_1454090530736_7082911_n

I wrote a poem:

The Replacement

His hands are smoother than sandpaper
His voice is not grumpy nor hoarse
He doesn’t sweat hard work and scotch
His smile is not nearly as forced

He listens to my stories and
He laughs at all my puns
He doesn’t spend all day gaming
I don’t think he thinks it’s fun

He realizes that gravity
Recognizes that I exist
And he’s not as quick tempered
He really rarely shows his fists

And it took only a second
To notice all of this
And another second to tell him
He will surely be missed

My subconscious started talking to me in my sleep:

“Vivid dream: This guy (from a TV show I don’t know the name off because I don’t really watch it) and we’re like used to be dating trying to be friends. His girlfriend is a singer, something. He’s trying to hang out with both of us, and she is irritating the shit out of me. And I’m hanging out poolside with him, his girlfriend, and his family. And he starts asking me about programming. I’m not sure what kind of programming (Daddy used to do my homework when I tried to be Comp Sci) but somehow I told him “first you have to declare your variables”. Then he says, and by God this is verbatum “You’re an assertive girl, you get what you want because you assert yourself. You’re also provocative when you want to be. But you are masquerading at half of your potential. Why are you living at half when you can be living at your fullest potential?” I woke up with that. I woke up and wrote it down.

My subconscious is right. And I think I know what I have to do. Wow, this is way too much this early in the morning, but thanks Subconscious/Guy-in-TV-show-I-don’t-watch.

tom_cavanagh

*My subconscious manifested in the form of Tom Cavanagh. My subconscious must be borderline douchey.

I started searching for Vikings:

““It is impossible to assign the various Viking groups at all precisely to places of origin. But broadly speaking, adventurers from the coast of Norway raid the north of England and continue round the Scottish coast to Ireland. Vikings from the same region later settle in the Scottish islands, Iceland and parts of Ireland.”History of the Vikings

I wrote another poem:

The Biggest Burden

There’s a remnant of your smile that’s still stamped inside my brain
Oh the loving that you caused has bled through my chest and caused a stain
Holding hands and making love, no you weren’t the one to blame
That I fell so fast

This distance between you and I isn’t that far at all
I see myself beside you just as soon as you decide to call
This back and forth and indecision isn’t much to overcome
Because I fell so fast

Loving something I cannot hold, cherishing memories I can’t express
I give you the tools to break my heart and wish you all the best
I walk away knowing all I have is this walking mess
Because I fell so fast

I wrote a genius blog, now being recreated for posterity:

Make Your Wrinkly Dollar Bills Crispy Again – The Long Way About March 19, 2011

260667209-300x225

First you start with St Patty’s day, where you swear to be done with the night by 10pm. So you marathon drink, and on key, start getting hazy at 10pm. You feel like a winner in bed by 10:30pm and not to mention you’ve just drunk dialed someone you probably should not have and then texted them to “Fuck yourself!” Brilliant.

You have some semi-lucid dream about drinking pepsi the next night but wake up feeling like last night was last week so you disregard your dream, which was probably a warning.

You hit the town, still too early for anything, so you get a couple beers in while playing MegaTouch, and not winning. You go to your friends show, already buzzed and insist on shots immediately. Shot after shot, and one bad decision after another, you leave right when your friend takes the stage but not after you’ve made an obnoxious ass of yourself. Be clear, this is an important step. Thanks.

Oh, all the while you are unclear to how much cash you have in your pocket, but it is in your pocket.

Get home. Get sick. And jump in the shower with your clothes still on. Because not only do you have to wash yourself, you’ve decided in your drunkeness that you will at the same time, wash your clothes. Your money is still in your pocket, which you realize after you take your jeans off so you can dry off. You are still not winning.

Take the money out, lay them by the sink, and forget about them until 5pm the next day when you are still mildly hungover, but convinced recovered enough to make another night of it.

Epic fail! But you did make your wrinkly dollar bills crispy again. Congratulations!

P.S. Jumping in the shower and dinner with the ladies sans alcoholic beverages. This time we do it right.

I turned half-blonde:

2011-04-06-18_45_07-300x225

2011-04-06-18_45_26-300x225

And another poem:

Untitled

I still know your name
I remember each word you spoke
But I look at your smile in the picture and know
You’re only a memory now

I think back on the days
You held me close and promised to never let go
I try to feel some regret
But you’re only a memory now

Yes it’s been a long road
To not thinking of you everyday
But now and then for a moment I feel it
That you’re only a memory now

I got baptized…again:

222227_10150573407845643_3682783_n

223345_10150192109468121_4181278_n

Found an old poem while cleaning:

Timbuktu

I get to work everyday
Before the sun even rises
Flooded with the monotony
Of doing everyone else’s taxes
After 9 hours, I get my butt to school
With no time to spare
To be a lovestruck fool

But when there’s idle time
I go to Timbuktu
I get a bit of quiet
And start thinking about you
In Timbuktu where time stands still
And all my inhibitions
Dissolve with my will
In Timbuktu sober moments are few
And I find myself, somehow, missing you

My planner is filled
From yesterday to next year
With my well intentions
All dreams I hold dear
My plans to go places
That you’ve never been
And see all the landmarks
You’ve never seen

But when there’s idle time
I go to Timbuktu
I get a bit of quiet
And start thinking about you
In Timbuktu where time stands still
And all my inhibitions
Dissolve with my will
In Timbuktu sober moments are few
And I find myself, somehow, missing you

And for the picture bombardment, I went home:

185207_235080399863910_5760502_n

185278_10150261048053121_4413910_n

189391_10150261071583121_1416005_n

215130_10150261929568121_1875321_n

223766_10150262656373121_6929189_n

229658_235092779862672_3139841_n

249266_10150271011399341_5018178_n

250151_10150263442523121_4039442_n

251491_10150262657623121_5792101_n

252065_10150263443983121_7987902_n

254727_10150261929998121_1451718_n

262418_235087439863206_4918146_n

263349_10150261930138121_522083_n

263385_10150266625658121_7116598_n

268707_10150261085113121_6164511_n

281200_10150267468473121_2220161_n

281699_10150266622693121_564779_n

281734_10150261930283121_6269892_n

282529_10150266620313121_6811242_n

283163_10150261067033121_3462972_n

283402_10150261084078121_3097553_n

284286_10150261073913121_186852_n

284746_10150266626823121_872822_n

284876_10150266620493121_4472408_n

285402_10150267467663121_5192615_n

285523_10150261078813121_5815101_n

Another genius blog post I had to salvage:

THIS is the reality of dating from my point of view… September 13, 2011

Ladies gather at the watering hole and compare credentials. “yes, I’m well rounded, I speak many languages.””I’m a kind hearted intellectual.””I have a strong sense of individuality.”

Then a knight approaches from the horizon. “Quick, with the Stupidity Camouflage. Don’t scare this…wha? Did you just put on an upgraded even more stupid Stupidity Camo?””Sorry, I’m getting desperate.””No worries, I’ll get the next one.”

Then finally a catch. And once home, you find that you did not bring home a knight, instead you caught a man-whore donning a Chivalry Cloak. “Touche!”

And like every other year a birthday tattoo:

wpid-2011-11-12-17_51_39

wpid-2011-11-12-19_03_26

391833_10150408896188121_1537281375_n

And I still sat and blogged:

247342_10150208805053121_5103814_n

Was I asleep in 2010?

In 2010 I officially became a panda:

Photo0072

I did Memphis trips and Dallas trips:

41018_10150266931535643_1224481_n

41215_10150266931110643_2547727_n

59055_10150266935820643_498379_n

benjen2

64892_165094833502106_6364473_n

mim01-300x225

mim02-225x300

And Ben invited me to my first ever float trip. It was in Oklahoma and there were no pictures, but there was: a heat warning, a chick fight, and a very unreliable air mattress.

I got obsessed with Tudors.

I discovered Helen Austin:

And Anthony Jeselnik:

And for some reason really wanted a puff coat:

425_fanning_stewart_cm_0124

425_watts_holmes_lc_012710

I made a dog analogy in pertaining to relationships:

fb

And I posted a couple poems:

*for him that was loved so much, yet never loved at all.

Every word from my mouth dedicated to you
Every gaze from my eyes a longing for your touch
I gave you days that went on for months
And yet you knew me not

My affections I generously lavished upon you
Every breath was a token of my love
Great pains I endured with silent patience
And yet you knew me not

So what if suddenly I was taken from you
Should I fancy that you’ve noticed I’ve gone
All of the crying would prove accidental
Because you knew me not

And another:

Awake

I sit and romaticize and sit and plot
Fantasies created and never to be got
Those words back and forth never meant a thing
Those promises promises you never would bring

I sit and plan a future so bright
If only you would, if only I might
Nothing’s to be set and nothing’s to come true
I’m still silly me and you’re always about you.

And when it’s all said and done
There’s the “I should have known better”
That you were not what I sought
And we weren’t meant to be together

So do I still have time for tears
Or do I quietly let this pass
You weren’t the first
And I guess you’re not the last.

Other things that happened:

73763_10150304044010643_8116066_n

74063_10150304042990643_7507895_n

74607_10150304025420643_6057663_n

76319_468354378120_1974175_n

148335_171105099584960_8204553_n

155255_10150334094080643_3072647_n

2009 – Medicated and Yet Not Quite Stable.

2009 was pretty level. I had been diagnosed late 2008 with bipolar manic depressive disorder and I had been on steady medication. I was still adjusting to the side effect of constantly being sleepy, and created a 3 RedBull a day habit, and that’s after my morning coffee. My coworkers have a collection of pictures of me asleep in my cube. All in good fun. This was also the year of my first visit to Fort Worth, never knowing I’d eventually end up living here. Other things that happened:

I had created a must-have list for my dream guy:

  • Must have full time job.
  • Must have extensive vocabulary.
  • Atleast 5’11” 🙂
  • Good fashion sense.
  • Must like going to see live bands, but must not be in band.
  • Must like doing field trip-ish activities.

Also a list of things to do to avoid other peoples drama:

1. Pretend you can’t speak English.
2. Yell, “You go girl!” to everything they say.
3. Grab a Snickers.

Amazon decided to pick up my poetry book for a minute:

3604586634_020ea8d69c

I made “badass” friends:

I barely worked:

But near the end of the year:

“Me – I get up at by 6am every morning, 6:30am at the latest. I work from 7am – 4pm Monday to Friday. I get home, eat dinner, get on facebook, watch TV and then go to bed. On Friday nights and Saturdays I try to spend time with my friends and relax. Sundays are for laundry and relaxing. Then it starts all over again.

Work – Pretty routine. Mondays are always hectic. I have set my own stats to meet on Mondays. If I don’t meet those stats I am behind for the rest of the week. Which I don’t like. If I meet my stats on Monday, I am coasting for the rest of the week. Coasting means I have more time to help my coworkers meet their stats, which ultimately helps me in the long run.

Social – Almost non-existent. I go out probably once every other week now. I go out, as in, to the bars. I eat out almost every day – I can’t cook.

That’s pretty much it. Life is starting to settle down. Whew!”

I guess 2009, a little bit of growned-up-ness popped up:

3985688048_3c35e37f04_o

Blogging and watching FIFA – 2008

The year I crushed on Jason Mraz:

I discovered art in Wichita’s Ulrich Museum:

Durkin_Bloomsm
http://www.josephinedurkin.com

I posted this poem:

I Only Want You

From between the sheets
Straight into the fire
A boy met by happenstance
Became my one true desire
I’ll deal with the devil
If him I’ll acquire
I’ll make myself his queen
And never retire

Emotion that can’t be swayed
I only want you
The fantasy of love and romance
I’ll make it all come true
Now the only lie remains
Is that I’m meant to be with you
I only want you

I melt with his eyes
And sink into his skin
Prayers of lust from his tongue
Absolves my every sin
I’ve created a pedestal
Never caring where he’s been
The past is an enemy
He and I will both win

Emotion that can’t be swayed
I only want you
The fantasy of love and romance
I’ll make it all come true
Now the only lie remains
Is that I’m meant to be with you
I only want you

From between the sheets
A ring of thorns
A martyr I made
With a pair of horns
By happenstance I met him
And our passion was born
A fantasy we created
Never to be torn

I eventually joined Facebook and took a personality test. If you don’t like reading skip to the bottom, my “disorder”, it’s SOOO dramatic.

2444718184_26f8c1fccb_o

Daddy bought a Beretta Cx4 Storm Carbine; Semi-Auto .40 S&W; 14 rounds, which I still don’t know what it looks like, or what it does, because I’m not allowed to play with his toys, but it prompted me to post this music video, by Kathleen Edwards, called Back To Me, just because of the line “and my Daddy’s coming for you.” Lol!

And then I moved URLS, my sister’s idea, it’s always her idea, but now I only pay for the domain name and I squat in her cyber space. And it all started with this video:

I swear sometimes my sister is just looking for ways to make me more marketable. For what? No clue.

I developed an addiction for Snickers Ice Cream Bars chronicled by my then boyfriend. I have since recovered and am taking it one day at a time:

P1010095
P1010093

P1010094

P1010092

P1010091

I read and posted the Twilight Saga in PDF format, and I’m glad I didn’t waste money on it. Still reading is better than watching, I kept cringing through the movie that my friend bribed me to watch with her. But since it’s already uploaded, want not waste not, here it is for anyone still needing them.

Also here’s the partial draft for Midnight Sun that’s yet to be published:

I wrote someone a poem and sent it to them:

Almost

Another almost hero gone
An almost prince charming slipped
From my grasp
Just like that
He was retarded I think
Or maybe a little too smart
He ran before there was time
To know whats what
And that’s how he went
My last almost hero
And I sit and wait for my phone to buzz
Maybe the almost hero
Will be not smart enough and come back
Until then I have my almost poems
My almost poems that
Are not Bukowski’s
He would know what to write
What to do
He would drink it away I’m sure
Succesful poets can do that
Drink things away
I have to sit in my 9 to 5
Writing almost poems
Waiting for almost heroes

And I added “Remember I told you I wrote a poem about you being retarded. There it is.” and his response, “damn….that’s pretty fuckin good darling” – so, still not sure but definitely mentally damaged.

And Then I watched The Day The Earth Stood Still, and Keanu Reeves and I started a relationship. Lol!

And the other pictures that happened:

2355348301_7c79af1209

2463689114_19e6c82dee

2527366529_9a7579c1f9_o

2771453693_e88e37cce3

2772299618_de32a888fd

Whew! So, as the pattern occurs, I became more active in my blogging, and this was the condensed version of 2008. Just in time to concentrate on FIFA. Good job, me.

1 9 10 11 12