After the craziest end to 2016, I decided that drastic measures needed to be taken to change the current status of my life. I had been utilizing the best group of people as my support system, and when Lent came around, my support system had some pretty great suggestions on what I would be giving up. One of them was the need to “always win.” This would be referring to my consistently argumentative nature, and my inability to let things slide. Bah hambug! I decided to generalize all of the ideas and try to just eliminate most issues by giving up negativity.
The first thing I did was get rid of the journal I had started the beginning of the year since it was full of depressive notes. I started a new entry, just an update, and tried to keep it as hopeful as possible. This first step definitely made me feel like I was on the right track. I then made my intentions known to my friends. My friends were supportive, as they always are, and I got a couple kudos. A deep breath and onward I went.
The first week or so was very intentional. I was constantly reminding myself that I needed to be positive and turned every irritation into a learning tool. It felt like I was using the pain from my newly plastered perma-grin as a reminder of what I was trying to accomplish. Perma-grins are not as utilitarian as the good old fashioned rubber band.
By the third week I had given up “learning from my mistakes” and basically just avoided negativity by joking about avoiding negativity.
“You gave up negativity for Lent? That’s great! How’s it working out?”
The last couple of weeks of Lent, I gave up giving up negativity all together, and was positive that I felt more positivity by embracing the fact that I was just plain negative. You follow?
“Why are you so negative?”
“Because it’s easy.”
To sum it up, I still come out on the positive side, regardless of how this would have unfolded. I am positively on the better end of selflove, despite hating most everything else.
I’m sure some day or another, I’ll find positivity again, but forcing myself to do so is just plain negative.