Your Sex Life is Better Than Mine

Do you want to know how I know? It’s not because I’ve been stalking you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I know because I have a calendar app on my phone that I specifically use for tracking how many times Brian and I have been intimate in a month. It’s actually an app to track my menstrual cycle, but I put dots on the days that we have sex on there. I really like seeing a dot on every single day of the month, with the exception of the four or five days that I’m on my cycle. That hasn’t been the case lately, though. Do you know how many dots I have for October? Just one. The month is almost over and I have one measly dot.

Anyway, if you do not have a TV in your bedroom already, do not get one. No matter how tempting it is. Even if you get a free one. Don’t do it. It’s a trap!

With the exception of the year that Brian was on Zoloft about eight years ago, this has got to be the worst drought we’ve had ever. There’s a lot of factors contributing to this, but probably the one that I blame the most is the TV in the bedroom. They say that having a TV in the bedroom will ruin your sex life. I had no idea how true this statement was until recently. Looking back, I think our sex life was so much more active when we were living in the townhouse and didn’t have a TV in our bedroom. Of course, it helps that we didn’t have to do yard maintenance and projects around the house because we had all of that extra time for love making. LOL.

Anyway, if you do not have a TV in your bedroom already, do not get one. No matter how tempting it is. Even if you get a free one. Don’t do it. It’s a trap!

So far Brian and I have been able to maintain a pretty healthy sex life. We enjoy sexual intimacy about 2 to 3 times a week. It is less frequent than I would like, but it’s enough to keep me content. You’d think that, since we don’t have children, we would have sex everyday but, honestly, we are so busy that there are days we’re completely beat and are ready for bed when we get home. The problem with the TV is that there are some days that we would have a little bit of energy and maybe we could have made love, but that time was spent watching TV instead. Ugh. Putting a TV in our bedroom is probably the worst thing that we could have ever done to our sex life.

What happened this month? Well, we had one last sexual encounter before Brian went on a two-week training tour. As luck would have it, the day of his return was around the time of the start of my monthly menstrual cycle. While he was away he told me that he was looking forward to coming home. I had to burst his bubble by reminding him that my period starts when he comes home. That meant no sex for another week.

We did have an opportunity the day he arrived because my period didn’t start right away, except the TV ruined that for me. He arrived on Saturday and we had a lot of stuff to do that day, but managed to squeeze a nap in during the afternoon. He was really tired and deserved it. Anyway, when we were ready for bed that evening, he started watching the TV shows on the DVR that he missed while he was out of town. I waited patiently until he was done so that the sex could commence. Alas, I was tired too, and fell asleep before that happened.

I woke up somewhat cranky the next morning. Understandably so, because I haven’t had sex in several days. I was starving. I wasn’t trying to be subtle anymore. I flat out told Brian, “You’re going to have to have sex with me before period starts. It’s not here yet, so we still have a chance.” He just laughed. I’m not sure if he thought I was joking. I was dead serious, though. I wanted some sex, darn it!

Unfortunately for both of us, we had another busy day. We could have had sex before Misty came over for Parade of Homes, but again the TV got in the way. Brian was so enthralled with the live coverage of the space jump that we were watching that instead of having a quickie.

Anyway, we arrived back home from the Parade of Homes with just enough time to make dinner. Jay and Becca came over. The five of us had dinner over here and then Jay, Becca, Brian, and I watched the season premier of The Walking Dead after Misty left. She doesn’t watch the show and wasn’t particularly interested.

I went to the restroom right before we started the show, which we had to DVR because dinner ran late, and noticed that my monthly cycle had started. I told Brian that he was too late. No reaction. WTH? He told me later that he couldn’t react because we had company, but that he was just as upset as I was. Whatever.

Now that my period is finally over, he’s sick. He started not feeling well on Thursday and was pretty sick on Friday, but he went to work anyway. Brian and I rarely ever take sick days. That’s just the way we are. We like to save our sick leave for when we absolutely need them. I know people with no sick days at all, and I don’t understand it. Some people might have a hangover or a headache and decide to call in sick the next day. My outlook on taking sick days is the same as Brian’s (actually I think he got it from me because I’m kind of a workaholic and would probably live at work if I were single; thank God, I have Brian to keep me balanced). I treat my sick days like a savings account, only to be used when absolutely necessary. I think if something bad were to happen to me, I could probably go for six months before running out of sick days. Knock on wood. I hope nothing bad ever happens.

But I digress… Back to my whining about my sex life, or lack thereof. With my luck, once he starts feeling better, I will be the one getting sick and not wanting to have sex. FML. It doesn’t look like I will be having sex any time soon. Ugh.

We used to always get asked by random strangers if we were newlyweds. We would smile and tell them that we’ve been married for ten years and been together longer than that. Well, guess what. Now we’re starting to act like the old married couple that we are. Yuck. I want my sex life back. I want dots all over my calendar!

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"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."

~ Leo Tolstoy