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Date Night with Flip and Ching

Posted on May 29, 2011 by under Confessions, Sex.    

This is what happens when we have an hour to kill before our movie…

2011-05-28 21.33.36.jpg

Date night is sometimes awkward for Brian and me because we are both out of practice. Actually, if you ask Brian, he’ll tell you that never went on dates. So it’s not that he’s out of practice. He didn’t get any practice at all.

As you know, Brian has been getting in better shape and looking fabulous lately. He looked absolutely sexy in his fitted Express shirt and jeans last night. I couldn’t resist telling him, “You look so sexy tonight, I can’t wait to f*** you later.” You guys know that I don’t really cuss because it sounds very awkward when I do it, so I don’t ever throw the f-bomb around. The only time I say the f-word is when I’m using it to say what it means in the literal sense.

Anyway, I had to pause and laugh after I said it because it made me realize that this cannot be a date. Only married couples (or couples who have been together for a really, really long time that they’re practically married) can get away with saying something like that. I told Brian if someone said that on a date, the date would probably come to a screeching halt. Brian agreed but he was thinking if the woman said that on a date, they’d probably just skip the movie and go back to his place or her place and proceed to have sex. First of all, I can’t see a woman saying that. I could picture a guy saying it, but then his date would think he was an arrogant jerk, end the date and never want to see him again. I was thinking that the outcome would probably be the same, regardless of who said it. Brian believes otherwise, though. He agrees with me that things would go very badly if a man were to say it, but it would be perfectly okay if the woman were to say it. Really? That’s kind of a double standard. Don’t you think?

When we got to the movie theater, I insisted that Brian open the car door for me to let me out. We usually just jump out of the car simultaneously when we arrive at our destination. Not tonight, though. I stayed in the passenger seat and patiently waited as he came around the car to my side and opened the door. He goofed around a little bit by locking the car, attempting to open it and failing, and then turning around and acting like his was going to just leave me sitting there. We had a good laugh about that, when he did finally help me out of the car.

“Listen,” I told him. “I am considering this to be a date and, if you do really well, you will get laid.” That’s when he promptly started with the I’ve-never-gone-on-a-date crap. Really? Excuses already? LOL.

After we bought our movie tickets and were headed to the auditorium, I asked him if he wanted to go out dancing after the movie. He said it would be midnight and too late to go out dancing, blah blah blah. I corrected him by telling him that midnight is actually when most people show up at the clubs and then I had to give him a lesson on dating. I said, “When you’re out on a date and you’re trying to get laid, you have to agree to everything that the other person says (well, maybe not everything; but try to be agreeable). So when I asked to go dancing just now, you’re supposed to say ‘Sure. Whatever you want, baby.’ And then magically, we don’t end up going dancing after all because we’re having sex instead. When you say no, it makes me think that you’re a party pooper and it makes me not want to have sex with you.”

In case any of you are wondering how Brian fared last night, he passed. Sometimes, if you look hot and positively ravishing, people will have sex with you anyway despite how badly you suck at the dating thing. That’s why good looking people rarely have problems getting laid. Just ask my sister. LOL. I’m kidding, Jenni! You know I love you! 😉

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  • Replies to "Date Night with Flip and Ching"

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    Ching  on May 29, 2011

    Sounds like you have some experience in this area. 😉 Should I worry?

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