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The Case of the Missing Period

Posted on April 26, 2003 by under Life.    

Brian and I have a dilemma that we are both trying desperately to solve.  I call it “The Case of the Missing Period.”

My period usually comes sometime around the 20th of each month.  It’s been as late in coming as the 24th but never :this: late.  Brian can always tell when my period is about to come because he can sense simply by the way I smell.  Sometimes I think that he knows my body even better than I do.  He said that I had period smell sometime during the week but it just came and went.  It lasted about a day he said.  Brian described it this way: it was as if your body said, “Hey, it’s period time!  Oh wait.  Nevermind.”  His theory: I’m pregnant.  With us being successfully on the Billings Method, which is kind of like Natural Birth Control Method only better because you have fewer days to avoid, for the last eight months now and with only the ocassional condom pregnancy is a bit of a concern.  Brian has never really had total faith in the method so everytime my period is even just an hour late he always deems it to be the culprit.

So there we were, laying in bed, discussing our options.  We both agree that having a child right now would be completely wrong.  With me finally returning to school in the fall, it was just bad timing.  But as they say, it hardly ever is the right time when it does happen.  We are both praying that my period will miraculously come and we won’t have to worry or discuss it any further.

Last night we had to do some grocery shopping for our barbecue this coming Sunday (and just grocery shopping in general because our refrigerator and pantry are practically empty).  We decided to buy Ept.  We only bought the single pack and now that I’m thinking about it, we should have bought the double pack because as it is I have to take the test again anyway.  It would have been more cost efficient.  I think Brian and I both had ourselves convinced that I’m really pregnant, even before taking the test, that we felt one test would be good enough.

I was so nervous last night that I couldn’t get myself to pee.  I had to drink half a liter of water and wait almost three hours before I could get it to come out and when it finally did, it was like “Whooosh!”  My bladder was full but my body was so tense that it wouldn’t come out.  When I finally got a few drops out, my body relaxed and just let it all go.

I followed the instructions and lay the Ept on the counter.  The lines were very slow to develop.  Brian said to just leave it alone for three minutes as it said in the instructions because standing there and watching it was like watching water boil: really stupid and boring.  I told Brian that this could be a good sign because the last time we were in this situation and I took the exact same test (almost four years ago) the lines came up and became fully developed within ten seconds.  Like a lightning bolt, the lines appeared before I could even lay the test down on a level surface as it instructs you do to.  I remember telling Brian to wait three minutes like it said in the box to see if the line would disappear.  He laughs about it now but it wasn’t funny then.  Once the line shows, up it’s time for Final Jeopardy.  It’s not going to disappear.  When it’s there, it’s there for good.

It seemed like I was checking on the progress of our test every thirty seconds.  Brian finally got fed up and called me to bed.  He said, “Leave it alone baby.  We’ll check on it later.”  I checked one last time after the allotted three minutes was up: still no line in the round box and a distinct but faint line in the square box.  You figure that I’d be rejoicing but something deep down inside me tells me that I screwed up the test somehow.  As I told you before, Brian and I have ourselves thoroughly convinced that I am.

We lay in bed and watched tv for a little bit.  Ten minutes later I’m begging Brian to check again, just to make sure.  He grumbles but complies.  Still negative.  But I’m thinking, “Then where the hell is my period?”

This is where the thought that we should have gotten the double pack comes in because it would have been more cost effective.  Brian and I agreed that if my period is still MIA, I am to take the test again next week.  It said in the instructions that if the result is negative and you feel that this is wrong (e.g. because your period is MIA like mine) to take the test again.  If it is still negative and your period still hasn’t come, it tells you to check with your doctor — because your body is totally fucked up.

I’m hoping that I’m not pregnant.  Brian is praying for the same thing also.  I’m taking the test again in a week and let you guys know if the outcome is good.  I’m just hoping that (a) I’m not pregnant and (b) there is nothing seriously wrong with my body.  My body is probably just revolting against all of the exercise.  After all it is possible to miss your period due to (mental or physical) stress, right?

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