Cosmetic Surgery for Your Vagina

File this under the list of things I’ve never really thought about. Until two seconds ago when I witnessed an episode about labia menora reduction on Dr. 90210.

I think I’m coming down with something. I was doing step class at the gym and then I got dizzy so I decided not to stay for the other two fitness classes that I normally do (high/low and PHAT). Had I stayed and not come home I would’ve continued living my life not knowing that you could have cosmetic surgery for your vagina.

I’d watched some pornos before where the women had really flappy, ugly-looking vaginas. I’ve never really looked at myself down there so sometimes I’ll comment on how gross it looks and ask Brian if my pussy is ugly like that. Brian always says no. He says that’s what happens to pornstars who have had way too much sexual intercourse. Their vaginas get worn out.

How wrong he is!

Apparently some women are born that way. And now they can do something about it. There are cosmetic surgeons today who specialize in labia reductions and laser vaginal tightening for those who want to make their vaginas less scary-looking. The idea is really foreign to me, though.. And (the practitioners of this surgery are going to hate me for this) I feel it’s unnecessary for regular people. I mean, unless you’re a pornstar who makes a living off showing your vagina and having it filmed, no one really looks at that. I mean, really.

I guess I can’t relate because I have a normal-looking vagina. If I had an ugly vagina I’d probably be singing a different tune. But then, of all the things you could spend money on, how could you justify spending money on something that only one other person will see?

I can’t even justify getting a boob job and that’s what I really need because I have none. LOL!

OMG! Speaking of things that I’ve never thought about, here’s another: bung hole bleaching.

Are you serious? This is even more outlandish than the vaginal cosmetic surgery. I just watched pornstar Tabitha Stevens have the treatment done. They waxed her ass and then bleached her bung hole.

I get my bikini wax at one o’clock today. I think I will ask Patricia if she’s ever heard of it and maybe we can try it on me one day. Just kidding! She’ll probably think I’m strange. Assuming she doesn’t think I am already.

I’ll have to ask Brian if he thinks my bung hole is too dark and if he thinks it will be prettier if it’s bleached to the same color as my ass cheeks. Ha! Ha! Ha! Only in the United States! This stuff is insane!

Brutal Honesty

This is for Bunz. In response to your comment on the blog entry from mean Ching. Brutal honesty is what blogging is all about. Why bother sharing your feelings on the web if you’re not going to be honest? I’m going to try to be as honest as I can be on here without getting myself in trouble. You can hold me to that. Speaking of honesty.. I am even :more: honest in the comments section of other people’s blogs. So if you really want to know my secrets, read the blogs that I read and look for me in the comments.

Feels Like Christmas

My La Perla g-string came in the mail today. How exciting! I told Brian I’m going to take a picture of me wearing it on my head and send it to my benefactor. Hey, I’m still wearing it! It may not be what he is expecting, but I am technically satisfying my promise.

Brian insisted that is too shady, though. He said I should follow through with my word.

In that case, the picture will have to wait until after Saturday. That’s when I get my bikini wax. I’m having Patricia wax it all off so Brenda will be nice and bare. Trust me, it will be a far better picture with no pubic hairs sticking out of the mesh fabric. LOL.

Protected: Seeing Other People

Curve Balls and Such

My best-laid plans are foiled again! I just found out today that we have very important training going on at work at the end of May. This just happens to coincide with the two-week pre-session class that I had planned to take this summer. So I cannot take MGMT 633 (Building Effective Work Teams). Just as well. Nine credit hours for a summer semester is a lot anyway. As it stands, I will have one Accounting class and one Management class for a total of six credit hours this summer. I just wanted to hurry and get my Management minor out of the way before the fall. I guess, I’ll just have to do some creative scheduling and take twelve credit hours this fall instead of the nine that I originally planned. Fall semester will be pretty hectic. Sigh. But I think I will manage.

Where’s Mine?

Brian got gift number two out of three yesterday. As you recall, he received a personalized poker set last week from his stalker-friend. So far I am lagging behind with no gifts. Poor me. I’m trying to dream up some gimmicks in order to catch up. My competitive self just isn’t handling this too well, I’m afraid.

So here’s the deal. If anyone sends me any of the lingerie on my wishlist (and these are pretty cheap $3 or $4 dollar items; I’m not asking for the extravagant La Perla stuff — though if someone sends me that stuff I definitely will not turn it down; remember, we’re going for quantity here because I’m down by two gifts so buy me cheap stuff and lots of it), I will send you a picture of me wearing the item.

There’s nothing like whoring yourself for your wishlist. Ha! Ha! Ha! Okay, so I’m not much to look at.. But the offer is on the table. Come on folks. I’m a worthy giftee! Buy me stuff!

Reception Crashers

I shouldn’t be writing about this, but I can’t help it. I just found it really, really odd. Please don’t hate me.

I went to the Students of Color Academic Achievement Reception this afternoon. I got there a few minutes early. You know me, I’m punctual to a fault.

So anyway, since I got there early, I was able to see everyone pile in and seat themselves. There were lots of black people, some Asian people and some Mexican people. Then these three white people walked in. They didn’t look like college students to me. Actually, they just didn’t fit in at all period.

The group consisted of a pregnant woman who was wearing a shirt so small that half of her belly was showing, a scary looking man who looked just as pregnant as his wife (or at least they looked like husband and wife to me) and then an old gray-haired lady who looked like either his mom or her mom. I couldn’t quite tell whose mom she was.

They had plates of food (mind you, refreshments were supposed to be at the end of the program, AFTER the whole thing was over) and they had the audacity to sit at the very front. They didn’t look like they came with any of the students being recognized and none of them received a certificate so I could only come to one logical conclusion. They came uninvited.

That’s messed up! Find a wedding to crash or something! Oh, yeah. You’d actually have to wear nice clothes to crash a wedding reception.

So anyway, they were eating during the whole program and at the end of the program they went back for more. I was actually polite and kept my food intake to a minimum (two little egg rolls and two cups of punch). I didn’t do this because I’m supposed to be on a diet, I just figured we were supposed to be there to receive our certificates not to scarf the food. The food was an incidental part of the reception.

Honestly, I didn’t even expect that there would be food there. At any rate, these people were still eating when I left. I wouldn’t be surprised if they hung around until all the food was gone. Geez.

Ching on TV

We watched a few movies over the weekend: Ocean’s 12, Friday Night Lights and If Lucy Fell (at Jen’s — not my sister Jen, the other one — recommendation).

Just a few comments about the movies.. We watched Ocean’s 12 really late on Friday night. I didn’t think it was as good as the original. As a matter of fact, I actually fell asleep before we got to the end of it. Now that we’ve got it, though, I’ll just watch it again some other night.

I thought Friday Night Lights was really good. I was totally drawn in. I felt sorry for for all the kids who had the burden of the entire town’s expectations on their shoulders. And these people are freaks, too. I mean, geez. I was scared for Coach Gaines. It almost seemed like they were going to kill him if the team didn’t win State. And am I the only one who found Mike Winchell (Lucas Black) totall adorable? I feel sick for crushing on a high school kid (well his character is a high school kid but Lucas is 23 in real life; but despite that fact that I’m only five years older than he is, I still feel like a dirty old hag) but he is so likeable in that movie. You can’t help but feel bad for him and all that he has to deal with. And he is such a good kid. The championship game was really exciting. I was at the edge of my seat.. Or rather, the bed (we watched it in the bedroom). Though I couldn’t help but laugh when Brian said, “Too bad real life football isn’t this exciting.” Brian isn’t much of a sports spectator. Actually, neither am I. Oh, we also found it funny how fanatical the town in. On game nights, all the stores close and the entire town goes to the game. Even when they went to State, the whole town shut down. Brian commented that we need to find us a town like this and loot it while they’re at State. We would make a killing, especially since even the cops are at the game! Ha! Ha!

Watched If Lucy Fell last night in the office. It was cute. Had some funny moments. It’s not one of my favorites, though. Anyway, I had watched bits and pieces of it before but I hadn’t watched the movie in its entirety until last night. Ben Stiller’s Bwick character was ridiculously dumb. And I had forgotten how hot Elle Macpherson is; I hadn’t seen pictures or images of her in a while. I love her! So sexy!

So anyway, you’re probably wondering what the deal is with the title of this blog post. Apparently, they showed my picture in the evening news. No I’m not on the KBI’s most wanted list. There were TV crews at the poker thing over the weekend and they used footage with me in it. As far as I know, only a couple of people that know me have seen it. I’m not sure who anonymous is below (see the comments for the previous post) but Haylie and my mom saw it. I wish I could’ve seen it.

Anyway, I didn’t really expect to be on TV. I mean, they usually only show a couple of seconds and surely they have much more interesting footage to show. I guess I was interesting enough. It helps to be cute. LOL! Kidding! I should’ve worn a Ponderosa Poker Posse shirt and gotten some attention for our band of poker bandits… Or at least written CMP (Crazy Monkey Poker) Club or cutecouple.us (and gotten some visitors out of it) or something on my shirt. Sigh. Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve. I’ll know for next time! LOL.

Flickr Rocks!