Archive for March 2005
So since there’s a lot of cam nudity going on around here, Mr. Duncan proposed that I should be a cam girl. That way I can get gifts too, like Brian does. He said to start an Amazon wishlist (I’ve got one, by the way, there’s a link to it on the old site but I don’t link to it from here; I’m not getting any shit anyway) and tell people I’m only 17. I guess dirty old men are partial to young girls. I’ll have to lie about my age for the sake of greed. How materialistic we are!
“Only cute girls get gifts,” I told him.
“You’re cute,” he replied.
Aww, shucks! That’s really nice of you, mister.
“I wouldn’t have the slightest clue how to get started.”
“Look it up on the internet.”
So I pitch the idea to Brian over dinner.
“What do you say, babe?” I asked.
“It’s okay as long as they don’t show up at our door.”
“Oh, they won’t! If they want to have sex I’ll just go over to their place.”
I didn’t really say that. It would’ve been funny, though. It’s amazing how I can still shock Brian despite how long we’ve been together. Sometimes I do it on purpose just to see if I can give him a heart attack. He has high cholesterol, you know.
No, I’m not really trying to kill him. I’m joking about that, too. So anyway, Brian is actually looking up “how to be a cam girl” articles for me so we can setup shop. We’re going to make an anonymous blog and everything. I’m going to have an alias and I’m going to be 17 and Brian will be my roommate… Because as you know, you can’t be a cam girl and be married. That just doesn’t jive. We’d have to lie about everything! Ha! Ha! Ha!
When I say crazy women I’m not referring to Jen, though she does look a little crazy in the previous picture. Okay, maybe she is pretty crazy, after all she does have conversations with herself. Hell, I have conversations with myself, too. So I guess you can file me under crazy as well. But Jen and I, we are harmless-crazy as opposed to the other breed of women that we shall file under the scary-crazy category.
You’ve all heard me mention Brian’s stalker before. We think we’ve figured out who it is… I won’t name any names, though. Brian having a stalker doesn’t really bother me. I’ve always been the unfortunate one that has had to endure stalkers. Now it’s Brian’s turn. He deserves some stalker attention, too. I like picking on him about it. I think it’s hilarious. Anyway, when Brian picked me up from school today I asked him “So what have you been up to?”
“Chatting with my stalker.”
“She says she sent me three packages.”
“You gave her our address? Are you sure that’s safe?” But then who cares about safe when you’re greedy for gifts, really? I guess he thinks I’m jealous or something because he makes it a point to say that she has a boyfriend.
“You said she’s married. What ever happened to that?”
She probably killed her husband. She’s just creepy enough to do that I imagine. I’d be careful if I was this boyfriend of hers.
“I thought she was married. I guess she’s not.”
“I’m sure her imaginary boyfriend will go the way of her imaginary husband.”
“Why do you say her boyfriend is imaginary?”
“Do you really think she’d be buying you gifts if she truly has a boyfriend?”
“You’ve got a point.”
“Wait. What if she thinks YOU are her boyfriend?”
He just laughed.
I bet he’s been encouraging her. What a bastard! I’m not jealous or anything. Just frustrated. The last time she pulled this shit (she got him screen gems from thegiftedones.com and had it delivered via interoffice mail), I had to spend three times as much on stupid shit for him. I can’t find the original blog entry, otherwise I’d point you there. I don’t know why I feel compelled to buy him stuff everytime he gets a gift from this crazy girl. I don’t need to compete with anyone. There’s no contest. But still, I can’t resist the urge. Must be my competitive nature.
The frustrating part is that normally it’s not a problem for me to shower him with gifts but right now I cannot afford to do so because all of my paycheck has gone to supporting us. Ugh. Anyway, if I even spend a dollar buying gifts for men I’ve never even met, Brian would throw a shit fit for sure. And soon he’d be imaginary as well… Just like this creepy girl’s imaginary boyfriend.